PENSION TELETHON
I’ve thought of a way to bring public awareness to the teacher pension problem in Illinois, and at the same time to raise money for the depleted pension fund. We need to have a “pension telethon”.
I’m sure we can convince the local public television station to broadcast it. We can get super teacher supporter Matt Damon and other celebrities to host it. It could run for the entire Labor Day weekend, oh wait, is Gerry Lewis still alive ? We wouldn’t want to interfere with his Labor Day telethon. We will find some other convenient weekend.
I can see it now. A room filled with retired teachers and others manning huge phone banks. Retired teachers with artistic talents could provide entertainment if we can’t find real entertainers to volunteer. I can hear a host saying, “we all want to help these poor (soon to be poorer) retired teachers. Who doesn’t owe some of their success to a teacher that they once had in school ? Now is the time to repay these hard-working people who are now retired and about to be asked to give up some of their guaranteed pension money.”
We can have gifts for those people willing to donate to the cause. “Donate $50 and receive this handsome engraved mug. On the mug are the words, “I helped restore the stolen pension money”. “Donate $100 and receive this fine dart board that has the names of previous legislative leaders who sat by and did nothing while the pension fund was looted and underfunded.” “Donate $200 and receive the mug, dartboard and this fine T-shirt with the following inscription, I SUPPORT RETIRED ILLINOIS TEACHERS.”
Very generous donors will want to contribute to the, “adopt a retired teacher program”. For a $5,000 donation, your money will go directly to support one of our Illinois teachers who currently receives a pension of under $25,000. (Full disclosure – I would qualify for that). For your donation you will receive a T-shirt with a picture of the adopted retiree. The T-shirt will say, “Teachers helped make me a success, it’s my time to return the favor”.
All the retired teachers who are manning the phones and any retiree that makes an appearance on the telethon needs to look their worst on that day. Wear shabby clothes, have a downtrodden, weary expression on your face. We could have a physician walking around using a stethoscope on a couple of retirees who have feigned collapsing from overwork at the phone bank.
Retired teachers are currently losing the public relations battle here in Illinois. The average Illinois resident wrongly believes retired teachers have bankrupted the state and are living in luxury. We need to do everything we can to reverse that public perception and do it quickly before the November elections. This telethon is just one possible solution among many. Let’s get to work teachers, save your pension. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I’m sure we can convince the local public television station to broadcast it. We can get super teacher supporter Matt Damon and other celebrities to host it. It could run for the entire Labor Day weekend, oh wait, is Gerry Lewis still alive ? We wouldn’t want to interfere with his Labor Day telethon. We will find some other convenient weekend.
I can see it now. A room filled with retired teachers and others manning huge phone banks. Retired teachers with artistic talents could provide entertainment if we can’t find real entertainers to volunteer. I can hear a host saying, “we all want to help these poor (soon to be poorer) retired teachers. Who doesn’t owe some of their success to a teacher that they once had in school ? Now is the time to repay these hard-working people who are now retired and about to be asked to give up some of their guaranteed pension money.”
We can have gifts for those people willing to donate to the cause. “Donate $50 and receive this handsome engraved mug. On the mug are the words, “I helped restore the stolen pension money”. “Donate $100 and receive this fine dart board that has the names of previous legislative leaders who sat by and did nothing while the pension fund was looted and underfunded.” “Donate $200 and receive the mug, dartboard and this fine T-shirt with the following inscription, I SUPPORT RETIRED ILLINOIS TEACHERS.”
Very generous donors will want to contribute to the, “adopt a retired teacher program”. For a $5,000 donation, your money will go directly to support one of our Illinois teachers who currently receives a pension of under $25,000. (Full disclosure – I would qualify for that). For your donation you will receive a T-shirt with a picture of the adopted retiree. The T-shirt will say, “Teachers helped make me a success, it’s my time to return the favor”.
All the retired teachers who are manning the phones and any retiree that makes an appearance on the telethon needs to look their worst on that day. Wear shabby clothes, have a downtrodden, weary expression on your face. We could have a physician walking around using a stethoscope on a couple of retirees who have feigned collapsing from overwork at the phone bank.
Retired teachers are currently losing the public relations battle here in Illinois. The average Illinois resident wrongly believes retired teachers have bankrupted the state and are living in luxury. We need to do everything we can to reverse that public perception and do it quickly before the November elections. This telethon is just one possible solution among many. Let’s get to work teachers, save your pension. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
