TRUMP'S WORST WEEK EVER: HOW HE SHOT HIMSELF ON FIFTH AVENUE AND SURVIVED (BUT BARELY)

TRUMP'S WORST WEEK EVER: HOW HE SHOT HIMSELF ON FIFTH AVENUE AND SURVIVED (BUT BARELY)

'The President Who Could Do Anything Just Did Everything Wrong'

WASHINGTON — For years, Donald Trump famously boasted he could "stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody" and not lose voters. Well, this week he finally tested that theory—except instead of shooting someone else, he turned the gun on himself. Five times. In front of Trump Tower. While his base watched in horror.

Welcome to November 8-14, 2025: the week Donald J. Trump managed to unite his enemies, enrage his allies, and make even Marjorie Taylor Greene say "I'm out." If there's a political Hall of Fame for self-immolation, this week just earned a bronze bust next to Richard Nixon's resignation letter.

The Epstein Files: When Your Past Calls You "Dangerous"

Let's start with the nuclear bomb that dropped Monday: newly released Jeffrey Epstein emails where the deceased pedophile—not exactly known for his moral compass—called Trump "one of the worst people I ever dealt with" and "dangerous." Even more damning? Allegations that Trump "knew about the girls."

Think about that. Jeffrey Epstein thought Trump was too sketchy. That's like Gordon Ramsay saying your cooking is too aggressive, or Elon Musk telling you to log off Twitter. 

MAGA influencers immediately declared it a deep-state fabrication, which would be more convincing if they hadn't spent the last eight years insisting Epstein's client list would vindicate Trump. Oops. Meanwhile, Democrats have already printed the emails on T-shirts for the 2026 midterms. One features Epstein's mugshot with the caption: "Even I Had Standards."

The H1B Hostage Crisis: "You're Talentless, America!"

But wait—there's more! In what Fox News insiders are calling "the worst interview of his presidency," Trump and VP Vance defended expanding H1B visas, essentially telling American workers they're too dumb to fill tech jobs. 

"We need the best and brightest," Trump said, waving dismissively at the camera like he was shooing away a pigeon. "Frankly, we don't have enough talent here."

Congratulations, Mr. President: You just called your base unemployable on national television. MAGA Twitter—sorry, X—erupted like a digital Vesuvius. Even Laura Loomer, who once chained herself to Twitter HQ for Trump, posted a crying emoji and the word "betrayed" seventeen times. 

The "America First" crowd is now asking: "America first for what? Layoffs?" One viral post showed Trump's campaign slogan edited to read: "Make India Great Again." It has 4 million views. Trump's team has not commented, presumably because they're all updating their LinkedIn profiles.

Tariffs, Inflation, and the "Let Them Eat Cake" Moment

Remember when Trump promised to make America affordable again? Well, this week grocery prices hit levels so high they're now classified as a controlled substance in three states. Eggs cost $47. A gallon of milk requires a co-signer. Somewhere, a loaf of bread is being used as collateral for a car loan.

Trump's tariffs—sold as economic patriotism—are now blamed for tanking job growth and reigniting inflation. When asked about it in an interview, Trump called concerns "absurd" and suggested people "shop smarter." 

Yes, the billionaire who eats gold-leaf steaks told struggling families to clip coupons. Marie Antoinette is somewhere nodding approvingly.

The Wall Street Journal reported the White House is quietly rolling back tariffs to avoid a market crash, which is like setting your house on fire and then taking credit for calling 911. Voters noticed. Trump's approval rating dropped faster than a piano in a cartoon.

Terrorist Tea Time at the White House

In a move that somehow wasn't a fever dream, Trump hosted Abu Mohammad al-Jolani—an actual designated terrorist with Al-Qaeda and ISIS ties—in the Oval Office this week. Al-Jolani, whose group killed U.S. troops, got the full red-carpet treatment: photo ops, handshakes, probably some Diet Cokes.

Veterans groups are apoplectic. Gold Star families are demanding answers. And Trump's defense? "He seemed nice. Very polite. Great guy, actually."

One X user summed it up: "Trump just invited the guy who killed our soldiers to sit in the chair where Lincoln sat. This is fine. Everything is fine." The post included a GIF of a dog in a burning room.

Even Tucker Carlson looked uncomfortable covering it, which is saying something for a man who once defended Russian war crimes with a straight face.

50-Year Mortgages: Debt Slavery, But Make It American

Facing backlash over unaffordable housing, the Trump administration proposed 50-year mortgages and 15-year car loans. Yes, you read that right. Your grandchildren can now inherit your Honda Civic payments.

Critics immediately dubbed it "generational debt slavery," while Trump's team insists it's "innovative financing." Sure, and the Titanic was an "innovative swimming opportunity."

One viral TikTok showed a millennial calculating that under this plan, they'd pay off their house in 2075—roughly when scientists predict the sun will explode. "At least I'll own it for a few minutes," she deadpanned.

Even Trump's base is furious, calling it a bailout for banks disguised as help for families. One comment read: "He promised to drain the swamp. Instead, he gave it a 50-year mortgage."

Election Bloodbath: The Voters Have Spoken (and They're Pissed)

As if the week wasn't bad enough, Republicans got demolished in off-year elections across New York, Virginia, New Jersey, and—brace yourself—Portland. Yes, Portland. Trump lost in a city where people unironically use "kombucha sommelier" as a job title.

Exit polls cited tariffs, broken promises, and "general exhaustion with the chaos." One voter in Virginia told reporters: "I voted for cheaper eggs. I got expensive eggs and a terrorist in the White House. I'm done."

Trump was reportedly booed at a rally in Ohio—Ohio—where a crowd member yelled, "What happened to America First?!" Trump responded by blaming the media, which is his version of "the dog ate my homework."

Groceries: That Special Word

And then there are the groceries. Oh, the groceries. Trump keeps saying the word "groceries" like it's a magical incantation that will make inflation disappear. "Groceries are doing great," he insisted Tuesday, despite prices being higher than Snoop Dogg at Coachella.

Groceries are so expensive right now, they're literally higher than half the people in his Cabinet—and that's including Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who's 6'2" and possibly made of kombucha.

One meme circulating X shows Trump at a supermarket, staring at a $12 gallon of orange juice with the caption: "I don't understand. I fixed this." Narrator: He did not fix this.

The MTG Defection: When Even the Chaos Caucus Says "Nah"

But perhaps the most shocking development? Marjorie Taylor Greene—yes, that Marjorie Taylor Greene, the woman who once blamed wildfires on Jewish space lasers—has reportedly distanced herself from Trump.

According to sources, MTG is "frustrated" with the H1B stance and feels Trump has "abandoned the base." When you've lost the person who thinks the government controls the weather, you've lost the plot.

Her latest tweet was cryptic: "Sometimes you have to stand for principles over personalities. 🇺🇸" Translation: "I'm out, but I'll leave the door open in case he pivots."

MAGA world is in shambles. If MTG is the canary in the coal mine, the mine just exploded.

The Verdict: A Week for the History Books (The Bad Ones)

So what have we learned? That even Trump's superpower—surviving scandals that would vaporize normal politicians—has limits. That his base will tolerate a lot, but not being called talentless while grocery prices soar. That hosting terrorists is bad optics. And that 50-year mortgages are, shockingly, unpopular.

Trump's approval rating is now in the low 40s, his 2026 midterm prospects look grim, and his own allies are Googling "how to unendorse someone." 

Could he recover? Sure. He's done it before. But this week felt different—like watching a Jenga tower wobble after one too many bad moves. 

As one X user put it: "Trump shot himself on Fifth Avenue five times this week. Turns out, he can lose voters. Who knew?"

Correction: An earlier version of this article stated eggs cost $47. They actually cost $46.99. We regret the error.

ANTI-SEMITISM: THE ZOMBIE OF AMERICAN PREJUDICE

ANTI-SEMITISM: THE ZOMBIE OF AMERICAN PREJUDICE

F*CK ANTISEMITISM: IF YOU'RE NOT PISSED OFF BY ALL THE ANTISEMITISM, YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION

Ah, America—the land of the free, home of the brave, and occasional epicenter of "Why do we keep doing this to Jews?" It's like we've got a national subscription to Idiot's Digest, with antisemitism as the never-ending feature article. But let's cut the crap: if you're not boiling with rage over the casual Jew-hating that's bubbling up like bad coffee in every corner of our discourse, you're either asleep at the wheel or binge-watching too much reality TV where the villains are at least scripted. Me? I'm pissed. Not "mildly annoyed while scrolling Twitter" pissed—I'm "ready to arm-wrestle a conspiracy theorist with a bagel" pissed. And here's why: because in a country built on hating ideas (looking at you, every Founding Father beef), we've somehow devolved into hating people for the crime of existing. Spoiler: that's not American; that's just lazy.

Look, I'm furious about the war in Gaza. The death toll, the displacement, the endless cycle of violence—it's a gut-punch to anyone with a pulse and a news app. But do I blame "the Jewish people" for it? Hell no. That's like blaming every American for the time our government decided to bomb a boat in South America because "reasons." (Pro tip: There are always "reasons," but they're usually just code for "oops, we have too many missiles.") No, I blame the Israeli government—those suits in Jerusalem making calls that make my blood run hot. Same with ICE snatching folks off the streets like it's a twisted game of hide-and-seek: that's a policy, not a personality trait of every apple-pie-eating Yank. We point fingers at the machine, not the mechanic's neighbor.

And don't get me started on the media's love affair with this toxic sludge. You know the rhetoric I'm talking about—the slimy whispers that paint Jews as puppet-masters or money-hoarders, like we're still stuck in a bad 1930s radio drama. It's such BS, it's practically a fertilizer factory. In America, we live by ideas. We hate 'em, we sue 'em, we meme 'em into oblivion. But the people? Nah. We don't hate the people. We hate the governments peddling crap policies, the ideologues spouting nonsense. Take Stephen Miller—God, those policies of his make me want to yeet my TV out the window. The family separations, the wall fever dreams, the whole "build the thing, make 'em pay" vibe? Vomit-inducing. But Miller himself? I don't hate the guy. I've never met him—hell, I wouldn't recognize him in a lineup unless he was holding a clipboard labeled "Evil Ideas Only." That's the American way: roast the recipe, not the chef. Challenge the thoughts, fight the philosophies, argue till you're blue in the face. But hating folks for favoring those flavors? That's not debate; that's just being a dick.

I've rubbed elbows with Jewish folks my whole life—neighbors, colleagues, that one guy at the deli who remembers your order and slips you an extra pickle like it's contraband. Great Americans, every one. They love this country like it's their third-favorite bagel topping (after lox and everything, obviously). They mow lawns, coach Little League, argue politics at Thanksgiving like pros. Sure, I've crossed paths with Jewish people I didn't click with—same as the Christian accountant who ghosted my invoice, the Muslim cabbie who took the scenic route to "show me the city," or the Hindu coworker whose chai obsession bordered on cultish. But you know what? Those outliers don't get to define the squad. One bad apple doesn't make the orchard a hate crime. It's like saying all Italians are mobsters because you saw The Godfather once. Absurd. Offensive. And, frankly, exhausting.

But here's the kicker: this isn't some fresh hell we're brewing. Antisemitism in America has been simmering since before we had a Bill of Rights—back when our biggest export was hypocrisy and beaver pelts. Let's take a saucy stroll through history, shall we? Picture this: 1654, New Amsterdam (pre-New York glow-up). Governor Peter Stuyvesant—yes, that Stuyvesant, the one with the street named after him like a participation trophy—tries to boot out a boatload of Jewish settlers. Why? Because they're "deceitful" and "very repugnant," he whines in a letter that's basically colonial fanfic for bigots. Brandeis University dug this up, and it's a reminder: even in our toddler years, we were already auditioning for Survivor: Intolerance Island. Fast-forward to the 19th century, and Jewish businessmen are out here grinding, only to get the cold shoulder on loans because, gasp, stereotypes about Jews and money. It's like if every banker today got denied credit for being "too Wall Street"—oh wait, that's just irony biting us in the keister.

Then comes the 20th-century peak, the era when antisemitism went full Broadway musical: Hate Springtime for Hitler (without the satire). From the 1870s to the 1940s, Jews couldn't buy a ticket to the American Dream without jumping through hoops made of barbed wire. Elite clubs? "No Jews Allowed" signs, because nothing says "land of opportunity" like a velvet rope of venom. Resorts? Same deal—Jews need not apply, unless you count the "Jews Only" beaches that were basically segregation's awkward cousin. Jobs? Forget it; certain professions treated résumés from Jews like they were written in Klingon. And education? Harvard, Yale, Princeton—they slapped quotas on Jewish enrollment like it was a fire sale on prejudice. "Antisemitism Uncovered" lays it out cold: these Ivy Leaguers weren't preserving excellence; they were preserving exclusion. It's the academic equivalent of "No shirt, no shoes, no Jews."

Enter the extremists, stage right, with jazz hands and pitchforks. The 1920s Ku Klux Klan revival? They didn't just hate Black folks; Jews were on the menu too, like a hate buffet. Then there's Henry Ford—yes, car guy Henry—pumping out The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, that forged fever dream of Jewish world domination, like it was the next Model T. Guy had a printing press and a grudge; America had a bestseller. And Father Coughlin? The radio priest who turned AM waves into a megaphone for Mussolini fanfic. Millions tuned in to hear him rant about "Jewish bankers" ruining everything, because apparently, the Great Depression needed a scapegoat with a yarmulke.

Don't sleep on the America First Committee either—Charles Lindbergh and his aviator ego leading the charge, whispering that Jews were the real threat to "white Americans." Wikipedia's got the receipts: this wasn't fringe; it was a movement that made "isolationism" sound like a dog whistle for "keep out the ethnics." Peak 1930s vibes, right? The kind that make you wonder if we learned anything from the mustache man across the pond.

Post-WWII, things cooled off a bit. The Holocaust hit like a sledgehammer to the soul—six million lives snuffed out, and suddenly, overt Jew-hating felt a tad uncouth. Good on us for the glow-up; antisemitic sentiment dipped, and for a hot minute, we pretended we'd evolved. But fast-forward to the 21st century, and bam—resurgence alert! The Anti-Defamation League's tracking record levels of incidents: vandalism, assaults, the works. It's not just one flavor of fool either; it's a hate potluck. Far-right white supremacists chanting "Jews will not replace us" like it's a Twisted Sister cover. Far-left corners where anti-Israel fury morphs into "all Zionists are Nazis" (pro tip: that's not nuance; that's nonsense). Religious extremists slinging ancient beefs like they're new. Even segments of minority communities get looped in, because hate's an equal-opportunity virus.

Why now? Blame the algorithm gods—social media's turned every basement bigot into a broadcaster. One viral post about "globalist cabals," and suddenly your aunt's forwarding it with "Thoughts?" But let's be real: this isn't tech's fault alone. It's us, forgetting the American script. We argue ideas. We protest policies. We don't torch synagogues because Bibi Netanyahu's got a bone to pick with Hamas. That's not activism; that's arson with extra steps.

So, what's the fix? Start by getting pissed—like, properly pissed. Call out the rhetoric when you hear it, whether it's a podcaster's "joke" or a politician's wink. Support the Jewish neighbors who are just trying to live without looking over their shoulder. And for God's sake, remember: hating a people is the laziest shortcut since the drive-thru. Challenge the actions, dismantle the ideas, vote out the governments peddling poison. That's how we do it here—messy, loud, and with a side of snark.

America's got enough scars from this old habit. Let's not add another chapter. F*ck antisemitism. Wake up, pay attention, and let's build something better than this recycled bigotry. Your move.

MORNING NEWS UPDATE: NOVEMBER 14, 2025

 

 MORNING NEWS UPDATE: NOVEMBER 14, 2025

U.S. News

• Federal government agencies are reopening after the longest shutdown in history, with workers receiving back pay and airlines resuming operations, though lingering disruptions persist.
• The House is advancing toward a vote to release files from the Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficking investigation, potentially unveiling new details.
• A shooting at Laney College in Oakland, California, prompted a swift response from authorities, with investigations ongoing.
• President Trump is addressing widespread consumer strain from high prices amid economic recovery efforts post-shutdown.

• Government Shutdown Ends: President Trump signed a spending bill late Wednesday, officially ending the record 43-day-long government shutdown. The process of fully reopening all federal services is now underway.

• Immigration Crackdown Focus: The Trump administration is reportedly planning its next immigration enforcement focus to target Charlotte, North Carolina.

• Former Officer Sentenced: A former customs officer was sentenced to 15 years in prison for assisting traffickers in bringing drugs into the U.S.

• Nevada 'Fake Electors' Case: The Nevada Supreme Court has sent the "fake electors" case back to Clark County for further proceedings.

• Alaska Petroleum Reserve: The Trump administration is moving to repeal protections for key swaths of the Alaska petroleum reserve.

Politics

• The federal government shutdown has ended, but states face ongoing chaos from policy shifts and delayed funding under the Trump administration.
• President Trump grapples with an affordability crisis, as high prices challenge his economic promises despite stock market highs.
• Nevada's Supreme Court has revived a criminal case against Trump allies involved in the 2020 fake elector scheme.
• A federal judge permitted a lawsuit challenging Trump's anti-DEI grant policy to proceed, defying a recent Supreme Court ruling.

• Shutdown Aftermath: The U.S. government is in the process of restarting operations following the end of the 43-day shutdown.

• Economic Affordability Challenge: President Trump is facing growing political pressure over the high cost of living, as polls indicate affordability is a key voter concern, leading him to reintroduce his pledge to "make America affordable again."

• October Jobs Report Incomplete: A top economic advisor to President Trump announced that the official October jobs report will not include the unemployment rate due to the impact of the government shutdown on data collection.

• Top Fannie Mae Officials Ousted: Key Fannie Mae officials were removed after allegedly sounding the alarm about the sharing of confidential housing data.

World Affairs

• Russian forces launched a massive combined attack on Kyiv, killing at least four and injuring 27, with air defenses active throughout the assault.
• The Trump administration revoked a Biden-era ban on oil and gas drilling in Alaska's wilderness, raising international environmental concerns.
• Hamas has returned the bodies of hostages to Israel, amid ongoing negotiations and revelations about those still held in Gaza.
• U.S. allies are pushing back against Trump's proposed "drug boat war" initiatives, straining diplomatic ties.

• Russia-Ukraine Conflict: Four people were killed and 27 injured in a massive missile and drone attack by Russian forces on Kyiv, Ukraine.

• Middle East Tensions: Iran has seized a Marshall Islands-flagged oil tanker in the Strait of Hormuz, marking the first such interdiction in months and spiking tensions in the region.

• Sudan Conflict Death Toll: A new report indicates the death toll from Sudan's civil war is far higher than previously known.

• Ukrainian Ministers Resign: Top Ukrainian ministers have submitted their resignations amid a corruption scandal rocking the country, involving the state nuclear power company.

• German Industry Subsidies: The German government plans to subsidize energy prices for industry in an effort to revitalize the country's economy.

Education

• SUNY has expanded emergency student aid through a new foundation grant, benefiting ten community colleges with enhanced support programs.
• University of Wisconsin-Madison students rallied against the Trump administration's higher education compact, protesting potential funding cuts and policy changes.
• Cornell University secured a deal with the Trump administration to restore withheld research funds, averting major disruptions.
• Education leaders outlined strategies to combat teacher shortages, emphasizing recruitment and retention amid ongoing staffing crises.

• CISCE Exam Schedule: The Council for the Indian School Certificate Examinations (CISCE) has released the timetables for the ICSE Class 10 and ISC Class 12 exams for the 2026 session.

• Accreditation Claim Dispute: Al-Falah University in Faridabad received a notice from the NAAC regarding its claim of receiving a 'fake' A-grade accreditation.

• Eviction and School Links: Takeaways are being reported from an Associated Press story detailing the links between housing evictions and the challenges faced by school-age children.

• College Staff Shooting: An athletics staff member was reportedly shot at an Oakland junior college in the city's second school shooting incident in two days.

Economy

• U.S. stocks plunged amid dashed expectations for imminent Federal Reserve rate cuts, with AI valuations and inflation data fueling uncertainty.
• Post-shutdown economic data gaps, including "butchered" jobs and inflation figures, are casting doubt on future Fed decisions and market stability.
• President Trump is tackling persistent high prices as Americans feel the pinch, despite touted stock market gains.
• The Bureau of Economic Analysis is developing a revised data release calendar to address disruptions from the government shutdown.

• Stocks Slide Despite Shutdown End: Global stocks, including major exchanges in Europe and on Wall Street, slid back sharply, dashing hopes that the end of the U.S. government shutdown would enliven trading floors.

• Technology Sector Concerns: Concerns are mounting that the year's AI-led market rally may have pushed tech valuations too high, leading to fears of an "overstretched" sector and potential bubble.

• Consumer Affordability Focus: The Trump administration is publicly focusing on the cost of living, with the Treasury Secretary suggesting announcements to lower costs for goods like coffee and fruit are forthcoming.

• WPI Inflation Falls: Wholesale price inflation (WPI) in India fell to (-)1.21% in October, driven by reductions in GST rates and lower prices for food and fuel.

• Polyworking Trend: Workers are increasingly turning to "polyworking"—holding multiple jobs—to combat frozen salaries and persistent inflation.

Technology

• Concerns over an AI investment bubble intensified, driving a global tech stock selloff as valuations face scrutiny.
• Tech executives acknowledged the AI sector's "bubble" status but expressed optimism, citing overwhelming demand outstripping supply.
• Microsoft is integrating OpenAI's custom chip designs to bolster its next-generation AI infrastructure and strategy.
• Georgia State University partnered with Google to launch a $6 million AI Innovation Lab, targeting hands-on training for Atlanta students.

• Kryptos Code Auction: The CIA sculpture's creator is auctioning the solution to the final, unsolved code segment of the Kryptos sculpture.

• EV Partnership in Riverside: The City of Riverside, California, has signed an agreement with Chaevi Co., a South Korean electric vehicle infrastructure company, as the firm explores establishing its U.S. manufacturing headquarters in the city.

• Draft Seeds Bill in India: The Indian government released a draft Seeds Bill, which has been welcomed by the industry but met with caution by farm organizations.

Health

• The Trump administration expanded U.S. visa denial policies to include common chronic illnesses, impacting applicants with conditions like diabetes.
• RFK Jr. is navigating a delicate balance in potential Trump deals for obesity drugs, amid scrutiny over public health implications.
• New research reveals anxiety may be regulated by competing immune cells rather than solely neurons, offering fresh treatment insights.
• Physicians emphasize tailored physical activity guidance for older adults to enhance longevity and prevent chronic issues.

• New Autoimmune Drug Strategy: Scientists are attempting a new strategy for treating autoimmune diseases, noting that lifelong drugs for these conditions often do not work well.

• Antiviral Drug Update: NanoViricides is presenting an update on its clinical-stage broad-spectrum antiviral drug, NV-387, which is designed to prevent viruses from escaping treatment by targeting their core infection mechanism.

• COVID-19 Vaccine Compensation Plea: The Supreme Court of India has reserved its verdict on a plea seeking compensation for deaths allegedly linked to COVID-19 vaccines.

Sports

• No. 2 Purdue rallied to defeat No. 8 Alabama 87-80 in a thrilling college basketball matchup, led by Braden Smith's 29 points.
• NFL fantasy football buzz centers on Bengals' tight end vulnerabilities and Ohio State's TreVeyon Henderson's breakout potential ahead of Week 11.
• Top-seeded Virginia women's soccer kicks off the NCAA Tournament against High Point, aiming for a deep playoff run.
• WWE SmackDown in New York builds hype for Survivor Series, featuring John Cena's anticipated final match storyline.

• NFL Cornerback Investigation: Surveillance video has reportedly surfaced showing a Titans cornerback driving a car minutes before an alleged shooting incident.

• Shohei Ohtani MVP Celebration: Shohei Ohtani's 4th MVP award has sparked widespread celebrations in Japan.

• Archery Championship: The Indian recurve men's team stunned South Korea in a shoot-off at the Asian Archery Championship to end an 18-year wait for a gold medal.

• Bumrah Dominates Test Cricket: Indian bowler Jasprit Bumrah's fifer blew away the South African batting line-up as India dominated day one of the 1st Test match.