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The U. S. Department of Education Announces Data-Driven Education News Channel, On Air 24/7

By Susan Ohanian

1:00 a.m. Consonant Crisis

Special panel

Prof. Timothy Shanahan reports dismal national scores, “U.S. Ranks 83rd in Consonant Blends”

Lou Dobbs says “I told you so—it’s the illegal immigrants pulling us down.”

George Miller promises to name special task force to investigate, names Texas certified public accountant Norma Garza chair

Larry King hosts call-ins

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3: 00 A.M. NCTE and IRA Executive Directors Display Their Seats at the Table
Professional leaders will be joined by NEA lobbyist Joel Packard. Al Shanker's ghost is expected to make a special appearance.

4: 00 A.M. Homeland Security Phonemic Awareness Test Act
Now mandatory for all airline travelers, should frequent flier hardship exclusion be allowed?
President of the Business Roundtable says "Yes!"

5:00 A. M. What Ignorant, Abusive, Lazy, Overpaid Teachers Don't Want you to Know

Arne Duncan explains the 6,849 classroom practices he wants public school teachers to eliminate.

7 a.m. What makes an Economy Grow? PHONICS.

Business Roundtable releases special report funded by McGraw-Hill. Approximately 80% of the human race lives in phonics poverty. Roughly one billion live on fewer than five short vowels a day. According to co-authors of this powerful new study, the good news is that the plan of action for scientific, data-driven relief is clear.

8 a.m. Congressional Breakfast

"The family that sounds out together, stays together," advises Filip A. Fillips, founder of Up With Phonics!, at the first annual Phonemic Awareness Congressional Breakfast.

Arne Duncan, Al Sharpton, and Newt Gingrich slated to sing the Alphabet Song

10.00 a.m. Senate Stalemate

Schwa Compromise fails in the senate. Will the Democrats pay a political price? Geraldo reacts.

11:00 a.m. Is your child's college at risk from professional terrorists?

Dr.Bill O'Reilly offers a shocking report on professorial terrorism: "Stifling Vowel Digraphs on Campus"

12.00 Noon Phonics First

Dr. Laura takes on secularists, feminists, gay marriage advocates, and illegal aliens whose aim is to bring down Up With Phonics! Order your Autographed Copy of 10 Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Short Vowels here.

1:00 p.m. Pre-Natal Phonics Acquisition

Yale researchers offer program for preventing dyslexia.

PAID PROGRAMMING

Vowel Voice
Stay informed! Daily e-mail updates. Send us your questions. vowelvoice.gov

3.00 P. M. Is Your Child's School Safe from Embedded Modifiers?
Agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms & Umlauts provide safety tips.

4:00 p.m. UP CLOSE & PERSONAL

Chicago family without access to 16 rules for syllabification hit hard.

Hear their tragic story. Oprah offers special plan for relief.

5:00 p.m. Maury

Mon. Attack of the Phonics Wreckers!
Tues. Mom & 6 daughters swapped vowels with same 63-year-old lover!!
Wed. Phonics Tattoos: Fantastic Body Art!!!
Thurs. "I Faked 120 Phonics ActsTo Keep Hubby Happy"
Fri. Bi-phonics Revealed!!!!

6:00 NEWS that Matters

NEWS BRIEFS:

• Duncan denies that Race to the Top calls for National Guard to be called out to monitor lesson plans. Says he’s confident an expanded Teach for America corps can do the job.

• AFT offers Minority Sentence-Diagrammer-of-Year Award

• ·Professorial Terrorism: Stifling Vowel Digraphs on Campus

• ·Phonics International Threat: The Singapore Story

• ·The Effects of Phonemic Intervention on At-Risk Youth with an Aversion to Eggplant

• Tom Clancy Speaks Out: "Why I’ll Pick Up a Gun for Phonics!"
  

7:00 p.m. Live at 7

Should every high school graduate be required to demonstrate homograph proficiency? Meet one Fortune 500 executive who says Yes!.

8:00 p.m. Congressional Update
George Miller, Chair, House Committee on Education and Labor, explains why the President must sign a free phonics agreement with Uruguay.

9:00 p.m. PBS Spotlight: Lemuel Gets a Chance
View the heartwarming experience of six urban families and their Silent E experience.

10:00 p.m.NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH: Taking on Terror

It’s 10 o’clock. Do you know where your family’s phonemes are?

Only YOU can keep our community safe

11:00 p.m. PREMIER! Daughters of American Dipthongs

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Midnight: Phonics Prayer of the Day

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12:30 a.m. PLANET PHONICS

Interactive.

Get 15 hours a week of live streaming video Must be 18 to participate.
planetphonics.gov