Parenting with a Plan:
"Future president Barack Obama addressed a packed church in his hometown of Chicago on Fathers Day 2008. Speaking on the issue of responsible fatherhood, he said:
But if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing—missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it."
These comments touched a nerve, sparking conversations in the blogosphere, at water coolers, in barbershops, and around kitchen tables. Obama was noting an issue that is clearly evident, but rarely raised by national-level leaders—the fact that many fathers are missing from their children’s lives. And this is reflective of another significant concern that receives even less attention—the difficulties involved in two people parenting together while living apart, and the frequent exclusion of low-income people from the systems that our nation has created to support such families.
The issue of post-break-up parental conflict pervades our culture, whether we are developing colorful terms for it like “baby mama drama,” or engrossing ourselves in how celebrities like Alec Baldwin, Charlie Sheen, or Jon and Kate mismanage the beginnings of their post-break-up parenting relationships. These examples of high-profile couples at the extremes of conflict and the pervasiveness of the issue can lead to the conclusion that nothing can be done to help families experiencing these difficulties. But the nation’s family courts and relevant practitioners have for decades been improving upon approaches such as mediation, parent education, and counseling that help couples reach agreements about visitation arrangements or parenting plans and set them on the right course toward effectively parenting together while living apart. These tools are definitely not a cure-all, and won’t work for all couples, but they have been associated with increased father visitation and child support payments.
Yet these helpful tools can be out of reach for low-income families because they are typically connected to the courts and are often part of divorce or custody/visitation actions. This presents great difficulties for parents who are unable to afford an attorney or face educational, literacy, or other barriers to self-representation.
Parenting with a Plan How TANF Can Support Positive Parenting Relationshipsand Foster Father Involvement -
