So your kid is a bully. Here’s how to stop it.
First step: Try not to freak out.
t’s easy to think of bullying as something that other people’s children do, but not something yours might ever do. And, look, I don’t know you or your kid, but I can say with confidence that some children bully, and your kid certainly could be one. Even if they aren’t, we’ll be better off if all adults know how to intervene if a child is bullying. If you never have to use this information, great! I genuinely hope you don’t. But if you do need it at some point, that’s okay too.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines bullying as unwanted aggressive behavior by another youth (or group of youths) that includes “observed or perceived power imbalance.” It can be physical, verbal, or relational (think: spreading rumors, excluding people). According to a 2017 CDC survey, 19 percent of high school students said they were bullied at some point on campus in the 12 months prior, and 14.9 percent reported being bullied online in that time. Bullying is often targeted toward minority groups: A separate 2017 CDC report said that 33 percent of gay, lesbian, and bisexual students experienced bullying (compared to 17.1 percent of heterosexual students) in the year prior.
Bullying doesn’t just affect the child being bullied; it affects every child who witnesses it. And while much has (rightfully) been written about the adverse effects of bullying on victims, it’s worth noting that kids who bully don’t fare well either; according to the US Department of Health and Human Services, they are more likely to drop out of school, get into fights, abuse drugs and alcohol, have criminal convictions as adults, and be abusive toward partners and children as adults.
“If a bully is not helped with being a bully, that’s a mental health issue,” says Mary Gordon, author of Roots of Empathy: Changing the World Child by Child. If a child you know and love is the aggressor, read on for some expert advice on what to do next.
Try not to freak out
“As a parent, I feel so badly for the parents of bullies,” Gordon says. “There’s a feeling of, ‘I’ve done something wrong, I’ve been a terrible parent.’ Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t make this about you. You’re not a bad parent.”
Psychologist Michael Reichert, author of How To Raise A Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men, says that bullying behavior is fairly normative; the child who is bullying is CONTINUE READING: What parents can do to stop bullying - Vox
