WHY THE U.S. WOKE THE SLEEPING CHINESE DRAGON
(R U FEELIN' THE BERN)
Ah, the intricate dance of international relations—a ballet of diplomacy, economics, and sometimes, a little bit of chaos. Today, we find ourselves in the midst of a tariff tango with China, a country that was once a slumbering giant, now fully awake and stretching its mighty limbs. But how did we get here? To understand this, we must travel back to 1972, when China was a billion-person third-world country, and the United States was in a bit of a pickle.
Picture this: America in the early '70s, embroiled in the Vietnam War, with political unrest bubbling like an overzealous pot of New England clam chowder. The Rust Belt was living up to its name, with industries rusting away faster than you could say "pollution." Lake Erie was on its way to becoming a solid mass of sludge—a potential bridge to Canada, if you will. And let's not forget the Cuyahoga River, which had a penchant for catching fire more often than your grandma's Christmas pudding.
Enter the oligarchy of the time—those shadowy figures who pull the strings while sipping on fine cognac and chuckling over their Monopoly boards. Faced with high union wages and political unrest that had conservative America clutching its pearls, they hatched a plan: open up China. It was a masterstroke. A billion-person market with cheap labor, abundant resources, and minimal political pushback? It was like finding an extra slice of pizza in the box when you thought you'd finished it all.
And so, with President Richard Nixon at the helm—a man who could charm a snake oil salesman out of his own wares—the U.S. began its courtship with China. This move was a win-win-win for the oligarchy. They could outsource pollution and labor issues while refocusing domestic unrest around law and order and that perennial favorite: drugs. The oligarchy's wet dream was coming true faster than you could say "ping-pong diplomacy."
As time went on, the oligarchy's grip tightened. They showered both Republican and Democrat parties with generous contributions, ensuring that politics became less about public service and more about retail therapy. They changed election laws to create a "pay-to-play" democracy—imagine democracy as a high-stakes poker game where only those with deep pockets get to ante up.
With their newfound power, the oligarchy bought up media outlets faster than you can say "fake news," creating a bi-reality news cycle that offered two flavors of news: vanilla and vanilla with sprinkles. Both flavors, however, ensured that the oligarchy kept control of the reins of power.
But fear not, dear reader, for the story doesn't end here. Across the nation, people are rallying like it's Woodstock '69 all over again. The Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez rallies are drawing crowds big enough to make rock stars envious. Town halls are buzzing with citizens challenging the current insanity—an administration seemingly hell-bent on ignoring the Constitution and trampling on American freedoms like they're grapes in an Italian vineyard.
People power is on the rise, and it's growing faster than a hipster's beard in Brooklyn. Citizens are finding common ground in their shared frustrations and dreams for a better future. It's a peaceful revolution that's gaining momentum—a movement that promises to be as unstoppable as an avalanche (but much more pleasant).
So stay tuned, folks. The tale of the awakened Chinese dragon is far from over. In this grand play of global politics, there are many acts still to come. And who knows? Perhaps this time, the people will write their own script.
TUESDAY IN FOLSOM CA
Tuesday, April 15
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