CURMUDGUCATION: DeVos Speaks (Sort of)

CURMUDGUCATION: DeVos Speaks (Sort of):

DeVos Speaks (Sort of)

Poor Betsy DeVos. She has recently spent time on the Donald Trump "Thank You These rallies Are The Only Part I Liked About Running for President" Tour, complaining that the media is spreading "false news" about her. I suppose that she could address that by actually, you know, speaking to the press directly, but apparently she is spending time prepping for her confirmation hearing. Her appearances at Herr Trump's rallies haven't been covered in great detail, but thanks to the faux journalist power I call "Making It Up," I'm prepared to present the full text of one of her most recent tour speeches.

Thank you! Thank you very much. It's a pleasure to see all my friends and neighbors out to greet me here in my hometown of Grand Rapids. Just keep right on applauding. Remember, my family and I can ruin you at any moment. That's it! Cheer, fellow citizens and peasants!!

 There has been a lot of speculation about what kind of Education Secretary I will be. Let me clear that up. I will be a great one!

For one thing, we will be bringing the benefits of school choice. I think all Americans agree that it's important that all businesses, no matter what their zip codes, have an opportunity to get their hands on a piece of the giant mountain of money that funds education in this country. Choice will let us do that. Cheer!!

But we want to do better than that. Everyone should have a chance to grab some of those public tax dollars, including all of the private schools which already exist. Vouchers should be an important part of an education money payout plan because every private school, whether its CURMUDGUCATION: DeVos Speaks (Sort of):