Teaching Grief: A Reflection
By: Jacob Chaffin
**Trigger Warning: Suicide, Death
What follows is a reflection of the toughest week I have experienced in my first year as a teacher. Names have been changed and some events intentionally have details missing in order to respect the families involved.
A few weeks ago I woke up to a text from the principal at my school explaining that the school was experiencing a tragedy and that he needed me to stay the entire day (I’m a teaching fellow, so I only teach 4 hours a day). Next came the email from the district superintendent explaining that Mr.Wheeler, a well respected elementary teacher, had taken his own life.
Denial
I don’t think I have ever opened an email that shocked me as much as that one. In fact, it wasn’t until the 4th read that I began to understand the gravity of the situation. I slowly began to realize that an important figure in our school, someone just down the hall from me, would no longer be there. My next thoughts were of my students and accepting that his son, Jared, was in my language arts class. Dealing with loss was not something that I had experience in, nor did I feel that this was something that my teacher education courses prepared me for. I felt wholly unqualified to console Jared, my students, or other teachers. Nonetheless, I understand that there are some situations no amount of training can prepare you for. This was one of them.
I don’t think I have ever opened an email that shocked me as much as that one. In fact, it wasn’t until the 4th read that I began to understand the gravity of the situation. I slowly began to realize that an important figure in our school, someone just down the hall from me, would no longer be there. My next thoughts were of my students and accepting that his son, Jared, was in my language arts class. Dealing with loss was not something that I had experience in, nor did I feel that this was something that my teacher education courses prepared me for. I felt wholly unqualified to console Jared, my students, or other teachers. Nonetheless, I understand that there are some situations no amount of training can prepare you for. This was one of them.
Anger
When I made it to the school I immediately went to a veteran teacher to ask for advice. In a moment of honesty she expressed that she has never experienced a situation like this either, and was equally at a loss. Although it was frustrating that she didn’t have a set of strategies or best practices, it was also comforting to know that we were equals in navigating the grieving process with our students.
When I made it to the school I immediately went to a veteran teacher to ask for advice. In a moment of honesty she expressed that she has never experienced a situation like this either, and was equally at a loss. Although it was frustrating that she didn’t have a set of strategies or best practices, it was also comforting to know that we were equals in navigating the grieving process with our students.
The principal and district responded by having the entire school staff meet in an emergency morning meeting. We were updated on the situation and informed that social workers and counselors from throughout the region were being brought into the school. We were also encouraged to do whatever we thought was necessary to help our students and fellow teachers.
Bargaining
The students slowly filled the classrooms around 10:30 am. Some students were aware of what had occurred that morning. You could see it on their faces. Meanwhile others had no clue. We, the 5th grade staff, explained that the principal and social worker would be around shortly to tell the students what had happened. Not only did the principal tell the students the facts, he also began the grieving process. He assured students that their emotions and questions were valid, and told them where they could find/reach out for support within the building.
The students slowly filled the classrooms around 10:30 am. Some students were aware of what had occurred that morning. You could see it on their faces. Meanwhile others had no clue. We, the 5th grade staff, explained that the principal and social worker would be around shortly to tell the students what had happened. Not only did the principal tell the students the facts, he also began the grieving process. He assured students that their emotions and questions were valid, and told them where they could find/reach out for support within the building.
After the meeting we split back into our separate homerooms. As expected, the students were expressing a wide range of emotions; from open grief, to silent stoicism, to passive indifference, and everywhere between. In order to facilitate a more structured space for students to express themselves and support one another, a fellow teacher and I opened up one classroom to serve just that purpose.
Depression
I didn’t have a plan or an expected outcome, but I knew that I could be doing something better for my students. I understood that taking on such a traumatic experience should not be done in isolation. We arranged the room into a large circle. I began by explaining that this would be a space for all of us to express ourselves, ask questions (whether anyone had answers or not), and share stories about Mr. Wheeler. We reiterated that all emotions were valid. The other teacher Teaching Grief: A Reflection | Young Teachers Collective:
I didn’t have a plan or an expected outcome, but I knew that I could be doing something better for my students. I understood that taking on such a traumatic experience should not be done in isolation. We arranged the room into a large circle. I began by explaining that this would be a space for all of us to express ourselves, ask questions (whether anyone had answers or not), and share stories about Mr. Wheeler. We reiterated that all emotions were valid. The other teacher Teaching Grief: A Reflection | Young Teachers Collective:
