ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN
WHO'S BAILING ON TRUMP - WE'RE BAILING ON TRUMP
Breaking news, folks! It seems like all of President Trump's men are bailing faster than a rat fleeing a sinking ship. And honestly, can you blame them? The guy's about as popular as a fart in an elevator.
Let's take a look at some of the former Trump loyalists who have now turned their backs on him faster than he can tweet out a conspiracy theory.
First up, we have Mike Pence, the former Vice President. You know things are bad when even the guy who was willing to stand by Trump through his "grab 'em by the pussy" scandal is calling him out. Pence has spoken out against Trump's pressure to overturn the election results, which is kind of ironic considering he spent four years standing behind Trump nodding his head like a bobblehead.
Next on the list is Bill Stepien, Trump's former campaign manager. Apparently, even he couldn't handle Trump's non-stop ranting about election fraud. I mean, can you blame the guy? It's hard to keep up with all the lies and conspiracy theories that come out of Trump's mouth. I'm surprised Stepien didn't quit sooner.
And then there's William Barr, the former Attorney General. He's been pretty vocal about his disappointment in Trump lately, saying that he's become detached from reality and has no interest in actual facts. I mean, who needs facts when you can just make stuff up, right?
John Bolton, the former National Security Advisor, has also spoken out against Trump. He called him unfit for office and said that his actions were contrary to the national interest. Honestly, I'm surprised Bolton lasted as long as he did in that administration. He looks like the kind of guy who would rather be waterboarded than work for Trump.
John Kasich, the former governor of Ohio, spoke at the Democratic National Convention and said that Biden was a unifier. I mean, that's not really saying much considering Trump has done nothing but divide the country since he took office. But hey, at least Kasich is trying to make amends for his past mistakes.
Colin Powell, the former Secretary of State, has also thrown his support behind Biden, saying that he will restore America's leadership and moral authority in the world. I mean, who wouldn't want to restore America's moral authority after four years of Trump?
Richard Spencer, the former Navy Secretary, has called Trump's intervention in a Navy SEAL case "shocking and unprecedented" and said that he would vote for Biden. I mean, if even a guy named Richard Spencer thinks you're a bad person, you know you're in trouble.
John Kelly, the former Chief of Staff, has been pretty vocal about his disdain for Trump. He's called him "the most flawed person" he's ever met and said that he has "no empathy" for anyone. I mean, I'm pretty sure even Voldemort had more empathy than Trump.
Anthony Scaramucci, the former Communications Director, has also spoken out against Trump. He called him "a clear and present danger to American society" and said that he would support any Democrat over him. I mean, can you blame him? Scaramucci probably lasted longer in his job than most people thought he would.
James Mattis, the former Defense Secretary, has been pretty critical of Trump as well. He said that Trump was "the first president in my lifetime who does not try to unite the American people" and that he had "made a mockery of our Constitution." I mean, if even a guy named Mad Dog thinks you're a bad president, you know you're in trouble.
Rex Tillerson, the former Secretary of State, reportedly called Trump a "moron" and said that he was "undisciplined" and "doesn't like to read." Honestly, I'm surprised Tillerson lasted as long as he did. I mean, who wants to work for a boss who doesn't even like to read?
And finally, we have Jeff Sessions, the former Attorney General. He said that Trump's attacks on him were "dishonorable" and "beyond any sense of decency." I mean, if even Jeff Sessions thinks you're being dishonorable, you know you're in trouble.
So there you have it folks, all of President Trump's men have abandoned him faster than you can say "covfefe." I'm not sure what's next for these guys, but I'm pretty sure they're all going to need therapy after working for Trump.
THE DEFT DIVE
One day, Donald Trump was sitting in his golden tower, watching Fox News and tweeting angrily. He was very unhappy because he had lost the election to Sleepy Joe Biden, who he thought was the worst president ever. He blamed everyone but himself for his defeat, especially the people who had worked for him and then turned against him.
He decided to call them one by one and tell them what he really thought of them. He picked up his phone and dialed the first number.
"Hello?" said a voice.
"Mike, is that you?" Trump said.
"Yes, Mr. President, it's me. Mike Pence."
"Don't call me Mr. President, you traitor! You stabbed me in the back! You didn't do what I asked you to do on January 6th! You let them certify the fake election results! You're a loser and a sucker!"
"Mr. Trump, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I had no right to overturn the election. The presidency belongs to the American people, not to you."
"Shut up, Mike! You're a coward and a liar! You're weak and pathetic! You're fired!"
"Mr. Trump, you can't fire me. I'm not your employee anymore. I'm a private citizen."
"Well, good riddance then! Don't ever call me again! And don't expect a pardon from me!"
"Mr. Trump, I don't need a pardon from you. I didn't do anything wrong."
"Whatever, Mike. You're a joke. Goodbye!"
Trump hung up the phone and moved on to the next number.
"Hello?" said another voice.
"Bill, is that you?" Trump said.
"Yes, Mr. President, it's me. Bill Stepien."
"Don't call me Mr. President, you quitter! You quit on me! You resigned from my campaign! You didn't fight hard enough for me! You're a loser and a sucker!"
"Mr. Trump, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I couldn't work for you anymore. You were lying to the American people about the election. You were undermining our democracy. You were putting our country at risk."
"Shut up, Bill! You're a coward and a liar! You're weak and pathetic! You're fired!"
"Mr. Trump, you can't fire me. I already resigned."
"Well, good riddance then! Don't ever call me again! And don't expect a pardon from me!"
"Mr. Trump, I don't need a pardon from you. I didn't do anything wrong."
"Whatever, Bill. You're a joke. Goodbye!"
Trump hung up the phone and moved on to the next number.
"Hello?" said yet another voice.
"Bill, is that you?" Trump said.
"Yes, Mr. President, it's me. Bill Barr."
"Don't call me Mr. President, you traitor! You betrayed me! You didn't investigate the election fraud! You didn't indict Hunter Biden! You didn't protect me from the witch hunt! You're a loser and a sucker!"
"Mr. Trump, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I had to follow the law and the facts. There was no widespread election fraud. There was no basis to indict Hunter Biden. There was no witch hunt against you."
"Shut up, Bill! You're a coward and a liar! You're weak and pathetic! You're fired!"
"Mr. Trump, you can't fire me. I already resigned."
"Well, good riddance then! Don't ever call me again! And don't expect a pardon from me!"
"Mr. Trump, I don't need a pardon from you. I didn't do anything wrong."
"Whatever, Bill. You're a joke. Goodbye!"
Trump hung up the phone and moved on to the last number.
"Hello?" said still another voice.
"John, is that you?" Trump said.
"Yes, Mr. President, it's me. John Bolton."
"Don't call me Mr. President, you warmonger! You wanted to start wars everywhere! You wanted to bomb Iran! You wanted to invade North Korea! You wanted to overthrow Venezuela! You're a loser and a sucker!"
"Mr. Trump, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I was trying to protect our national security and our allies. You were unfit for office and acted in a way that was contrary to the national interest. You were a danger to the world."
"Shut up, John! You're a coward and a liar! You're weak and pathetic! You're fired!"
"Mr. Trump, you can't fire me. I already resigned."
"Well, good riddance then! Don't ever call me again! And don't expect a pardon from me!"
"Mr. Trump, I don't need a pardon from you. I didn't do anything wrong."
"Whatever, John. You're a joke. Goodbye!"
Trump hung up the phone and threw it across the room. He was furious and frustrated. He felt alone and abandoned. He realized that he had no friends left, only enemies.
He looked at the TV and saw Joe Biden smiling and waving at a crowd of supporters.
He screamed in rage and despair.
Bing, 6/19/2023
The Growing List Of Ex-Trump Officials Who Now Denounce The ... - Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackbrewster/2020/06/19/the-growing-list-of-ex-trump-officials-who-now-denounce-the-president/.
The growing list of people Donald Trump hired who eventually soured on him. https://news.yahoo.com/the-growing-list-of-people-donald-trump-hired-who-eventually-soured-on-him-171720536.html.
All the Republicans Who Won’t Support Trump - The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/article/republicans-voting-for-biden-not-trump.html.
The growing list of people Donald Trump hired who eventually soured on him. https://news.yahoo.com/the-growing-list-of-people-donald-trump-hired-who-eventually-soured-on-him-171720536.html.
The long list of Trump administration officials turned critics. https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/04/politics/officials-who-criticized-donald-trump/index.html.
