Big Education Ape: Nov 27, 2024

Wednesday, November 27, 2024

WHY JOE BIDEN SHOULD ISSUE A BLANKET PARDON FOR HIS ADMINISTRATION

WHY JOE BIDEN SHOULD ISSUE A BLANKET PARDON FOR HIS ADMINISTRATION

A CASE FOR PREVENTIVE DEFENSE AND POLITICAL COMEDY GOLD

Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round, for today we embark on a journey into the wild world of political strategy, legal gymnastics, and the ever-entertaining circus that is American politics. Our topic? Why President Joe Biden should issue a blanket pardon for anyone and everyone who worked in his administration. Yes, that’s right—a sweeping “get-out-of-jail-free” card for the whole gang. Before you roll your eyes or clutch your pearls, hear me out. This isn’t just about legal pragmatism—it’s about playing three-dimensional chess in the most delightfully absurd way possible.

Reason #1: Save the DOJ from Drowning in Legal Drama

Let’s face it: the Department of Justice (DOJ) already has its hands full. Between investigating January 6th insurrectionists, chasing down classified documents that somehow end up in Mar-a-Lago storage closets, and keeping tabs on Rudy Giuliani’s latest antics, they’re stretched thinner than a gas station receipt. Do we really want to burden them further by forcing them to sift through every decision made during the Biden administration?

Imagine the sheer volume of paperwork. Subpoenas flying left and right, lawyers arguing over whether a memo about infrastructure funding constitutes a “high crime or misdemeanor.” It would be like trying to prosecute someone for jaywalking in a city without crosswalks—technically possible, but utterly pointless.

By issuing a blanket pardon, Biden could save the DOJ from years of costly litigation that would ultimately lead to...nothing. Because let’s be honest: most of these cases would end up as political theater with no real convictions. Instead of wasting taxpayer dollars on endless investigations, the DOJ could focus on more pressing matters—like protecting democracy from actual threats or figuring out how to stop hackers from stealing everyone’s Netflix passwords.

Reason #2: Beat Trump at His Own Game

Ah, Donald Trump. The man who brought us phrases like “witch hunt” and “perfect phone call.” Love him or hate him (and let’s be real, there’s not much middle ground), you have to admit he’s a master of bending the rules to his advantage. So why not take a page from his playbook?

Trump famously dangled pardons like candy at a parade during his presidency. His allies? Pardoned. His cronies? Pardoned. Heck, he probably considered pardoning his favorite golf clubs just in case they got subpoenaed. By issuing a blanket pardon for his administration, Biden would be flipping the script—playing the game by Trump’s rules, but with a twist.

Picture this: MAGA Nation wakes up one morning to find out that Biden has pardoned his entire administration preemptively. The outrage! The memes! The Fox News segments with headlines like “Biden’s Banana Republic: Blanket Pardons Gone Wild.” It would be political chaos—and, let’s be honest, absolutely hilarious.

And here’s the kicker: Trump supporters wouldn’t know how to react. On one hand, they’d want to scream about corruption and abuse of power. On the other hand, they’d have to admit that their guy did basically the same thing (except with more gold-plated flair). Watching them try to reconcile those two conflicting emotions would be worth the price of admission.

Reason #3: Energize the Deep State Conspiracy Crowd

You know what really gets MAGA Nation fired up? Conspiracies. Whether it’s secret pizza parlor cabals or microchips in vaccines, they love a good tale of shadowy forces pulling the strings behind the scenes. A blanket pardon would pour gasoline on that fire in the most entertaining way imaginable.

Think about it: issuing a blanket pardon would immediately be spun as proof that Biden is covering up some grand, nefarious scheme. “What are they hiding?” Tucker Carlson would demand, his eyebrows furrowed like a man trying to solve a Sudoku puzzle with hieroglyphics. Social media would explode with theories about Hunter Biden’s laptop, Hillary Clinton’s emails, and probably aliens for good measure.

The beauty of this strategy is that it doesn’t actually require any wrongdoing. The mere act of issuing a pardon would be enough to send conspiracy theorists into overdrive. And while they’re busy chasing imaginary scandals, the rest of us can sit back with a bowl of popcorn and enjoy the show.

Reason #4: Prevent Fascist Takeover (No Big Deal)

On a more serious note (don’t worry, we’ll get back to the jokes soon), issuing a blanket pardon could actually serve as a form of preventive defense against authoritarianism. If Trump—or someone like him—were to return to power, you can bet they’d weaponize the justice system to go after their political enemies. It wouldn’t matter whether those enemies had actually done anything wrong; the goal would be to intimidate and silence dissent.

By pardoning his administration preemptively, Biden would be taking that weapon out of their hands. No investigations. No bogus trials. Just a clean slate that says, “Nice try, but we’re not playing your game.” It’s like putting up a giant “No Soliciting” sign on your front door—except instead of vacuum salesmen, you’re keeping out fascists.

Reason #5: Comedy Potential Is Off the Charts

Finally, let’s not underestimate the sheer comedic potential of this move. Imagine the press conference where Biden announces the blanket pardon. He could lean into it with his trademark folksy charm: “Look, folks, I know some people are gonna say this is controversial. But you know what? Life’s too short for lawsuits over budget memos.”

The late-night talk show hosts would have a field day. Stephen Colbert could do a mock segment where he pardons his entire writing staff for bad punchlines. Saturday Night Live could stage a skit where Biden hands out pardons like Oprah handing out cars: “You get a pardon! And you get a pardon! Everybody gets a pardon!”

Even better, imagine the awkward conversations among Biden administration officials who suddenly find themselves pardoned for things they didn’t even realize were questionable. “Wait, why am I being pardoned? All I did was order extra toner for the office printer!”

Conclusion: A Win-Win for Pragmatism and Entertainment

In conclusion, issuing a blanket pardon for everyone in his administration would be a bold, unconventional move that accomplishes multiple goals at once. It would free up the DOJ to focus on real threats, outmaneuver Trump at his own game, energize conspiracy theorists (for our amusement), and protect democracy from authoritarian overreach—all while providing endless material for comedians and late-night hosts.

So come on, Joe—take the plunge. Issue that blanket pardon and let the chips fall where they may. After all, if politics is already a circus, we might as well enjoy the show.

THANKSGIVING AND COMMUNITY SUPPORTED AGRICULTURE - A CORNUCOPIA OF GRATITUDE AND GREENS #EDUSKY

THANKSGIVING AND COMMUNITY SUPPORTED AGRICULTURE

A CORNUCOPIA OF GRATITUDE AND GREENS

Ah, Thanksgiving. That magical time of year when we gather around tables groaning under the weight of turkey, stuffing, and pies, only to argue with relatives about politics and football. But let’s not forget the true spirit of the holiday: gratitude. And what better way to give thanks for the bounty of the earth than by embracing Community Supported Agriculture (CSA)? If you’ve never heard of CSA, don’t worry—you’re about to become the most insufferably informed person at your Thanksgiving table.

What Is Community Supported Agriculture?

Community Supported Agriculture is a beautiful, slightly crunchy concept that connects farmers directly with consumers. Think of it as a subscription box, but instead of overpriced skincare samples or dubious snacks, you get fresh, locally grown produce. Here’s how it works: you buy a “share” at the beginning of the growing season, and in return, you receive a weekly or bi-weekly box of whatever fruits, veggies, or other farm goodies are in season. It's like Christmas morning, but with kale.

The idea is simple yet revolutionary: by investing in a farm upfront, you’re sharing both the risks and rewards of farming. If it’s a bumper crop year, you’re swimming in tomatoes. If locusts descend like a biblical plague, well…you might be eating a lot of turnips. Either way, you’re directly supporting local agriculture and cutting out the middleman (sorry, big-box grocery stores).

Who Supports CSA?

CSA has a surprisingly diverse fan base. First, there are the eco-warriors who want to reduce their carbon footprint and have memorized more quinoa recipes than you knew existed. Then come the foodies, who will wax poetic about heirloom carrots and artisanal radishes until you start rethinking your life choices. Let’s not forget the suburban families trying to teach their kids where food actually comes from (spoiler alert: not aisle 7 at Walmart).

Farmers also love CSA because it provides them with a stable source of income. Instead of gambling on fluctuating market prices or competing with industrial agriculture giants, they can focus on what they do best: growing delicious food and perfecting their farmer tans.

Why Is It Good?

Oh, let me count the ways! Supporting CSA is like hitting the jackpot on the ethical consumerism slot machine.

1. **Freshness That’ll Ruin You for Grocery Stores**: The produce you get from a CSA is so fresh it still has dirt on it. That’s right—dirt! You’ll never look at those sad, plastic-wrapped cucumbers in the supermarket the same way again.

2. **Seasonal Eating**: CSA forces you to eat what’s in season, which means your meals are more in tune with nature’s rhythms. Plus, it’s an excuse to learn how to cook weird vegetables like kohlrabi. (Pro tip: roast it with olive oil and salt—it tastes less weird that way.)

3. **Environmental Benefits**: By buying local, you’re reducing the carbon emissions associated with transporting food thousands of miles. Plus, many CSA farms use sustainable or organic practices, so you can feel smug about saving the planet while you eat your salad.

4. **Community Building**: CSA isn’t just about food; it’s about relationships. You get to know your farmer (and maybe even visit the farm), and you might even make friends with other members. It's like a book club, but instead of discussing *The Great Gatsby*, you're swapping zucchini recipes.

5. **Economic Impact**: Your dollars stay in your local economy instead of lining the pockets of faceless corporations. Give yourself a pat on the back—you’re basically a hero.

Where Is It Being Practiced?

CSA started in Japan in the 1960s (thank you, forward-thinking Japanese farmers!) before spreading to Europe and finally landing in North America in the 1980s. Today, it’s practiced all over the United States and Canada, as well as in many other countries around the world.

You’ll find CSAs everywhere from urban hubs like New York City (yes, even city dwellers can get their hands on farm-fresh veggies) to rural communities where farming is a way of life. Some farms even offer specialized shares—like meat, eggs, or flowers—for those who want more than just veggies. There are also innovative models like workplace CSAs (imagine getting your weekly greens delivered to your office!) and community drop-off points for added convenience.

How Can You Start Your Own CSA?

Feeling inspired? Starting your own CSA might be easier than you think—assuming you're ready to trade your Netflix binges for tractor rides and early mornings.

1. **Do Your Homework**: Research existing CSAs in your area to see what’s working (and what’s not). Talk to farmers and potential customers to gauge interest.

2. **Find Land**: No farm? No problem! Many aspiring farmers lease land or partner with existing farms to get started.

3. **Plan Your Crops**: Diversity is key—no one wants a box full of just lettuce. Think about what grows well in your region and what people actually want to eat.

4. **Set Your Prices**: Calculate your costs carefully so you can set a fair price for your shares. Remember, people are willing to pay a premium for fresh, local food—just don’t go overboard unless you want angry emails about $12 zucchinis.

5. **Market Like Crazy**: Social media is your best friend here. Post pictures of adorable baby carrots and happy chickens—it’s basically Instagram gold.

6. **Build Relationships**: CSA is as much about community as it is about agriculture. Host farm tours, potlucks, or workshops to connect with your members and keep them engaged.

Resources to Get Started

If you’re serious about starting a CSA—or just want to learn more—here are some handy resources:

- **LocalHarvest.org**: This website is a treasure trove of information about CSAs across the U.S., including how to start one.

- **The USDA**: Believe it or not, Uncle Sam has some great resources for small farmers.

- **Books**: Check out books like *The Lean Farm* by Ben Hartman or *Sharing the Harvest* by Elizabeth Henderson for expert advice.

- **Workshops and Conferences**: Many agricultural organizations offer training programs for aspiring CSA farmers.

- **Your Local Extension Office**: These folks are basically Yoda when it comes to farming knowledge.

Community Supported Agriculture | National Agricultural Library https://www.nal.usda.gov/farms-and-agricultural-production-systems/community-supported-agriculture

CSA - Community Alliance with Family Farmers https://caff.org/csa/

Community Supported Agriculture - LocalHarvest https://www.localharvest.org/csa/

Local Food Directories: Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) Directory | Agricultural Marketing Service https://www.ams.usda.gov/local-food-directories/csas

Closing Thoughts

This Thanksgiving, as you pass the mashed potatoes and pretend not to notice Uncle Bob’s third helping of pie, take a moment to think about where your food comes from—and how you can make a difference. Whether you join a CSA or start one yourself, you’ll be contributing to a healthier planet, stronger communities, and tastier meals.

And who knows? Maybe next year, your Thanksgiving table will feature Brussels sprouts from Farmer Joe down the road instead of sad frozen ones from a bag. Now that’s something to be thankful for!