JUST ANOTHER BIG EDUCATION APE RANT
MAKE AMERICA HONORABLE AGAIN: THE BLOCKBUSTER TRAILER WE KEEP FALLING FOR
Or: How We Became the Movie That Looked Great in the Previews But Turned Out to Be a Two-Hour Snoozefest Starring Steven Seagal
A Nation Grapples with the Difference Between Its Marketing Department and Its Actual Product
You know that feeling when you've watched a movie trailer approximately 47 times, memorized every dramatic pause, convinced all your friends this will be the cinematic event of the decade, pre-ordered the commemorative popcorn bucket, and then you sit down in the theater and within 20 minutes you're checking your watch thinking, "Wait, can I get a refund on my emotional investment?"
Welcome to America, folks. We are that movie.
THE GREATEST BAIT-AND-SWITCH SINCE NEW COKE
For centuries, we've been running the most aggressive marketing campaign in human history. "American Exceptionalism!" the billboards scream. "Land of the Free! Home of the Brave! Where Dreams Come True and Everyone Gets a Pony!" The trailer is magnificent. Soaring eagles. Amber waves of grain. The Statue of Liberty doing a slow-motion hair flip. Morgan Freeman narrating. It's got everything.
Then you actually watch the movie and it's more like a direct-to-streaming disaster where the CGI budget ran out halfway through and they had to finish the battle scenes with sock puppets.
The current administration's slogan—"Make America Great Again"—is the ultimate in false advertising. It's like calling a dumpster fire a "rustic outdoor heating experience." It's rebranding a tire blowout as "spontaneous rubber confetti." At this point, we should just be honest and go with "Make America Disgusting Again," because at least that's truth in advertising, and the FTC can't come after you for honesty.
NARCOTERRIORIST THEATER: NOW PLAYING IN THE SOUTH ATLANTIC
Let's start with our latest blockbuster action sequence: the classified military strikes on "drug boats" off South America's coast. Nothing says "land of the free" quite like extrajudicial killings in international waters, am I right?
Picture this: Top military brass gathering lawmakers in a dimly lit room to brief them on how we definitely, totally, legally killed some people we're calling "narcoterriorists"—a word that sounds like it was invented by someone playing Scrabble while high on the very products they're supposedly fighting.
The September attack was controversial enough, but then—plot twist!—there was a second strike that killed survivors of the first attack. Because apparently, we're now doing sequel kills. "Narcoterriorist 2: This Time It's Still Illegal." Even some Democrats are whispering the W-word: war crimes. But don't worry, the administration assures us it's all perfectly legal because they designated drug cartels as terrorist organizations.
You see how this works? It's like when you're a kid and you declare your bedroom an independent nation so your parents' rules don't apply. Except with more Hellfire missiles and fewer diplomatic solutions.
Oh, and they did all this without Congressional authorization, because who needs checks and balances when you've got really cool military hardware and a complete disregard for international law?
THE STATUE OF LIBERTY CALLED—SHE WANTS HER POEM BACK
"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free," the poem says. What it doesn't say is: "Just kidding! We'll detain you at the airport, shackle you, and deport you within 48 hours without due process, even if a federal judge explicitly orders us not to."
Meet Any Lucia López Belloza, a 19-year-old college student who made the grave mistake of trying to surprise her family for Thanksgiving. ICE detained her at Boston's airport and deported her to Honduras faster than you can say "constitutional rights."
There was a federal court order blocking her removal. ICE apparently used it as scratch paper.
She was shackled—because nothing says "land of the free" like putting a college student in chains—and shipped off to Honduras, a country she left when she was seven, a country where gang violence and femicide rates are so high that "dangerous" doesn't quite cover it. It's like being forcibly returned to a burning building because, technically, you were born there.
Her lawyer is understandably upset about the whole "violating a federal court order and constitutional rights" thing, but hey, who needs the Constitution when you've got mass deportation quotas to meet?
This is the same administration whose president stood up and called Somali immigrants "garbage," specifically targeting Rep. Ilhan Omar and her community. The mayor of Minneapolis had to issue a statement basically saying, "Actually, the Somali community is awesome and you're the garbage," which is the kind of thing that shouldn't need to be said but here we are, living in the bad timeline.
Omar's response? She called Trump's obsession with her "creepy" and suggested he seek help. Which is possibly the most restrained response to being called garbage by the President of the United States in human history.
HEALTHCARE: THE PROMISE WE KEEP ALMOST KEEPING
Speaking of things we're terrible at, let's talk about healthcare—that thing every other developed nation figured out decades ago while we're still here arguing about whether people deserve to not die from preventable diseases.
The Affordable Care Act subsidies are about to expire, which means premiums will double and millions will lose coverage. Both parties agree something must be done. Both parties also can't agree on what that something is, which is very on-brand for us.
Democrats want to extend the subsidies. Republicans want "alternative reforms," which is political speak for "we have concepts of a plan." Some Republicans are even proposing banning abortion coverage in ACA exchanges, because when you're trying to solve a healthcare crisis, the best strategy is definitely to add controversial social policy riders that will tank the whole thing. It's like trying to fix a leaky roof by also demanding everyone paint their house purple.
We're a nation where people GoFundMe their insulin. Where medical bankruptcy is a leading cause of financial ruin. Where we spend more per capita on healthcare than any other nation and get worse outcomes. But sure, let's keep debating whether people "deserve" to not die. Very honorable. Much exceptional.
THE BILLIONAIRE BOOM: OR, HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE OLIGARCHY
Here's a fun stat that definitely won't make you want to flip a table: According to UBS, the number of billionaires globally surged from 2,682 in 2024 to 9,919 in 2025. That's not a typo. Nearly 10,000 billionaires.
And get this—91 of them became billionaires through inheritance. They were born on third base and think they hit a triple, except the triple is worth $5.9 trillion that will be passed down over the next 15 years.
Meanwhile, the rest of us are playing a very different game called "Can I Afford Both Rent and Groceries This Month?" It's not as fun as it sounds.
We love to talk about capitalism like it's a meritocracy, like anyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and become a billionaire. But the reality is that most of us can't even afford the bootstraps. We're out here working multiple jobs, drowning in student debt, one medical emergency away from financial ruin, while billionaires are literally running out of things to buy.
Elon Musk bought Twitter for $44 billion—not because he needed it, not because it was a good investment, but essentially because he could. That's "accidentally bought a social media company" money. Meanwhile, teachers are buying their own classroom supplies.
The wealth inequality in this country has reached levels not seen since the Gilded Age, except at least the robber barons built libraries. What are we getting? Vanity space programs and the world's ugliest truck.
THE NIMBY GOSPEL: LOVE THY NEIGHBOR (BUT NOT IN MY BACKYARD)
Here's where it gets really rich (pun intended): Many Americans identify as religious, believe in "good works," love to quote scripture about helping the poor and welcoming strangers. But mention building affordable housing in their neighborhood and suddenly it's all "property values" and "community character."
We want to help the homeless—just not with actual homes near us. We want to welcome immigrants—just not in our towns. We want to end poverty—just not with our tax dollars. We believe in the social safety net—as long as we never have to see it or think about it.
It's the NIMBY Gospel: "Love thy neighbor, unless thy neighbor needs something, in which case, maybe love them over there somewhere."
We have all these beautiful ideas about what America should be. We talk about opportunity and justice and equality. We've got the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, all these founding documents full of lofty ideals. And then we spend every day finding creative ways to not live up to any of it.
THE FREEDOM TO LOSE YOUR FREEDOM
Let's talk about freedom, that thing we're supposedly exceptional at. Freedom of speech! Freedom of the press! Freedom of assembly! All those freedoms we love to brag about while systematically undermining them.
We're watching the consolidation of media into fewer and fewer hands, all owned by billionaires with agendas. We're seeing journalists harassed, threatened, and imprisoned for doing their jobs. We're witnessing the erosion of voting rights, the gerrymandering of districts, the purging of voter rolls.
We've got states banning books, criminalizing protests, passing laws that make it harder to vote than to buy a gun. We've got a president who calls the press "the enemy of the people" and his supporters cheer. We've got people storming the Capitol and facing minimal consequences while others get arrested for sitting in at a senator's office.
This is the "freedom" we're exporting to the world? This is the democracy we're so proud of? We look like a failed state cosplaying as a superpower.
THE GOVERNMENT DESTRUCTION DERBY
And speaking of failed states, let's discuss the systematic destruction of government agencies. Because nothing says "great again" like dismantling the institutions that keep society functioning.
We're gutting the EPA while the planet literally burns. We're defunding education while teachers work second jobs. We're undermining the CDC during a pandemic. We're politicizing the Justice Department, the State Department, the Defense Department—basically any department that has the word "department" in it.
The strategy seems to be: prove government doesn't work by making it not work, then point to it not working as evidence that government doesn't work. It's like slashing someone's tires and then mocking them for not being able to drive.
And who benefits from all this destruction? The billionaire oligarchy, naturally. Because when government can't regulate, can't enforce labor laws, can't protect consumers or the environment, the ultra-wealthy get to do whatever they want. It's not a bug; it's a feature.
THE PROMISE VS. THE PRODUCT
Here's the thing that really stings: Most Americans are actually better than this. Most of us do care about each other. Most of us do want everyone to have food, shelter, healthcare. Most of us don't want to see college students shackled and deported. Most of us don't think immigrants are "garbage." Most of us believe in helping our neighbors, in community, in basic human decency.
But somehow, the gap between who we are as individuals and what we do as a nation keeps getting wider. We keep electing people who don't represent our values. We keep supporting systems that contradict our beliefs. We keep finding billions of reasons why we can't afford to be the people we claim to want to be.
We can find $858 billion for the military budget but not for universal healthcare. We can find money for corporate subsidies but not for childcare. We can find resources to bomb other countries but not to fix our own infrastructure. We can bail out banks but not student loan borrowers.
It's not that we can't afford to be better. It's that we've decided not to be.
THE EXECUTION PROBLEM
We Americans are great at ideas. We've got ideas coming out of our ears. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness! Equal justice under law! E pluribus unum! We hold these truths to be self-evident!
Beautiful stuff. Really moving. Would make a great trailer.
But execution? That's where we fall apart. That's where the movie diverges from the marketing. Because actually implementing these ideas would require sacrifice, compromise, structural change, and—worst of all—admitting that maybe the system isn't working for everyone.
It would require the wealthy to pay their fair share. It would require corporations to prioritize people over profits. It would require us to confront our history honestly instead of whitewashing it. It would require us to actually mean it when we say "all men are created equal"—and to expand that to include women, LGBTQ+ people, immigrants, people of color, and everyone else we've historically excluded.
That's hard. That's uncomfortable. That requires change. And Americans, for all our talk about innovation and progress, are terrified of change.
MAKE AMERICA HONORABLE AGAIN
So here's a radical idea: What if instead of trying to return to some mythical "great" past that never actually existed, we tried to become something we've never been before—honorable?
What if we actually lived up to our ideals instead of just marketing them? What if we measured our greatness not by our military might or our GDP, but by how we treat the most vulnerable among us? What if we judged our success not by how many billionaires we produce, but by how few people go hungry?
What if we stopped making excuses for why we can't provide healthcare, housing, education, and dignity to everyone? What if we stopped pretending that cruelty is strength and compassion is weakness?
What if we demanded that our government actually represent us—the actual us, not the billionaire donor us? What if we insisted on leaders who don't brag about hate and violence, who don't call immigrants garbage, who don't order extrajudicial killings and call it counterterrorism?
What if we decided that the floor for American behavior should be "honorable" rather than "how low can we go?"
THE MOVIE WE COULD MAKE
America doesn't need to be "great again." It needs to be good. Actually good. Not marketing-campaign good, but measurably, tangibly, functionally good.
We need to be the country where college students don't get shackled and deported in violation of court orders. Where people don't die because they can't afford insulin. Where teachers don't have to work three jobs. Where medical bankruptcy isn't a thing. Where you can get sick without losing your house. Where children don't go hungry. Where immigrants are welcomed, not demonized. Where billionaires pay taxes. Where the government works for the people, not the oligarchs.
We need to be the country that strives to live up to its best ideas, not one that constantly finds new lows to explore like we're spelunking in a cave system of moral bankruptcy.
The trailer for America is still great. The potential is still there. We've got the resources, the talent, the technology, the wealth. We've got everything we need to make this work.
We just need to stop settling for the direct-to-streaming version of ourselves and start demanding the Oscar-worthy performance we're capable of.
Because right now? We're not even living up to the Rotten Tomatoes score we give ourselves. We're the movie that critics pan but somehow still makes money because people keep buying tickets hoping it'll get better.
It's time for a rewrite. It's time for better direction. It's time to fire the producers who keep cutting the budget for anything that might actually help people while spending billions on explosions and special effects.
It's time to Make America Honorable—for the first time.
Because "again" implies we were honorable before, and let's be honest: we're still waiting for the original honorable America to show up. We've been watching trailers for 250 years.
Maybe it's time to actually make the movie.
The author is available for speaking engagements, but only if the venue provides healthcare, pays a living wage, and doesn't deport the catering staff.
