OPERATION DESTROY PUBLIC SCHOOLS FOILED BY RANDI WEINGARTEN'S NEW BOOK 'WHY FASCISTS FEAR TEACHERS'
A SATIRE
In the dim, fluorescent-lit war room of a nondescript Mar-a-Lago annex—disguised as a "strategic golf bunker"—a cabal of sharp-suited operatives huddled around a conference table littered with Big Macs, gold-plated Sharpies, and a suspiciously dog-eared copy of *The Art of the Deal*. It was September 2025, and Operation Destroy Public Schools was in full swing. Leading the charge was none other than Dr. Vance "Viper" Vought, Trump's freshly reappointed Director of the Office of Management and Budget, a man whose idea of fiscal responsibility was slashing education budgets while funneling billions into billionaire tax cuts shaped like his own silhouette. "Listen up, patriots," Vought hissed, his voice a gravelly whisper that could curdle milk. "Public schools? They're breeding grounds for snowflake socialists. Kids learning about Rosa Parks? Next thing you know, they're questioning why Daddy's yacht club doesn't admit the help. We defund 'em, voucher 'em out, and boom—viva la private academies where they teach real history: how I invented the cheeseburger!" His sidekick, a weaselly operative named Pam "BoomBoom" Bondi—fresh from a stint banning books in Florida—nodded vigorously, scribbling notes on a napkin stained with what might've been ketchup or the tears of a liberal arts major. "Boss, we've got the playbook. Step one: Invent a crisis. Blame it on 'woke indoctrination.' Step two: Flood the zone with fear. Moms for Liberty? They're our astroturf army—marching on school boards with pitchforks and PTA rage. Step three: The kill shot. Trump's new DOE overlords rewrite curricula to include 'Alternative Facts 101' and mandatory field trips to Truth Social rallies." The room erupted in applause, interrupted only by the distant clink of a Diet Coke can being crushed under a heel. But unbeknownst to the schemers, across the Potomac in a cozy D.C. brownstone that smelled faintly of apple pie and union dues, their nemesis was sharpening her quill. Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers (AFT), the union boss with the steely gaze of a social studies teacher who'd graded too many half-baked essays on the Bill of Rights, was putting the finishing touches on her magnum opus: *Why Fascists Fear Teachers: Public Education and the Future of Democracy*. It wasn't just a book; it was a Molotov cocktail wrapped in a Penguin Random House dust jacket, available now at Amazon.com, fine bookstores everywhere, and probably the gift shop at your local DMV. Randi leaned back in her armchair, surrounded by stacks of dog-eared history tomes—*1984*, *The Handmaid's Tale*, and a dog-eared *Mein Kampf* annotated with Post-its screaming "SEE? THEY HATED TEACHERS FIRST!" Her cat, a tabby named Equity, batted at a dangling red pen. "Oh, Viper Vance," she murmured to the empty room, "you think you can voucher your way to Valhalla? Honey, I've unionized tougher crowds than your MAGA minions. Teachers built this democracy—one lesson plan at a time." Flash back six months. The Trump administration's second-term blitzkrieg on education had kicked off with the subtlety of a wrecking ball in a porcelain shop. Project 2025, that glossy blueprint for bureaucratic Armageddon, called for gutting the Department of Education like a fish at a red-state barbecue. No more federal oversight—poof! States would get the reins, which in practice meant Texas-sized textbooks rewriting the Civil War as "The Great States' Rights Vacation" and Florida mandating that evolution be taught as "God's Suggestion, Darwin's Fanfic." Vouchers flowed like cheap merlot at a Fox News holiday party, siphoning kids (and cash) into for-profit charter schools where the only critical thinking exercise was debating whether the Founding Fathers would approve of Bitcoin. Enter Randi, stage left, with the fury of a PTA mom whose bake sale got defunded. She'd seen it coming since Trump's first term, when Betsy DeVos—heiress to the Amway fortune and apparent inventor of the "prayer over pencils" curriculum—tried to turn schools into profit centers for pyramid schemes. But this? This was fascist cosplay on steroids. Book bans swept red states like a bad flu: *To Kill a Mockingbird* yanked for "promoting empathy," *The Diary of Anne Frank* shelved because it "ruined Holocaust parties," and *It's Perfectly Normal*—that lifesaving puberty guide—banned faster than you could say "awkward family dinner." Extremist groups like Moms for Liberty, those self-appointed guardians of parental rights (and suspiciously well-funded by dark-money PACs), led the charge, turning school board meetings into WWE smackdowns. One viral clip showed a mom in a "Don't Tread on Me" tank top hurling a copy of *Gender Queer* at the superintendent, yelling, "This is why my kid thinks pineapple belongs on pizza!" Randi's book was her counterpunch—a witty, whip-smart takedown blending memoir, manifesto, and mic-drop history lesson. Chapter One? "The Fascist Playbook: From Mussolini's Blackshirts to Trump's Red Pens." She laid it out like a chalkboard diagram: Authoritarians *hate* teachers because we teach kids to question, to empathize, to spot a grift from a mile away. "Hitler didn't burn books because he was a slow reader," Randi quipped in the intro. "He burned them because an educated populace might notice his mustache was overcompensating." Drawing from her days as a New York City history teacher—where she'd once turned a rowdy class of eighth-graders into a mock Constitutional Convention that ended in a pie fight over the Electoral College—Randi argued that public schools are democracy's secret sauce: inclusive melting pots where little Timmy from the trailer park debates poetry with little Isabella from the embassy row. The Rolling Stone review nailed it: "Weingarten's book argues that teaching critical thinking is essential for resisting authoritarianism and preserving democracy." Reviewer Jann Wenner (or his ghostwriter) gushed over how Randi skewered the far-right's fear-mongering. "Trump's crew isn't banning CRT because it's 'divisive,'" she wrote. "They're banning it because it makes kids ask why the top 1% gets to rewrite the rules." And the data? Brutal. Studies showed higher education levels correlate with stronger democracies—folks with college degrees were 20% less likely to fall for strongman schtick. Red states, drowning in indoctrination while their kids lagged in reading scores, were proof: When you defund public schools, you don't get smarter voters; you get echo chambers primed for the next orange demagogue. But Randi didn't stop at snark. She dove into the AFT's guerrilla warfare: Distributing millions of free books to counter bans, reviving career and technical education (CTE) programs that boosted graduation rates by 15% and college enrollment by 30%—bipartisan gold that even crusty senators couldn't ignore. "Forget the culture wars," she urged. "Let's build shop classes where kids weld their way to the American Dream." Post-COVID, teachers' approval ratings had skyrocketed—unions weren't the villains; they were the heroes who'd masked up, Zoomed through hell, and kept kids fed when the world went sideways. Cue the NPR interview, a masterclass in measured mayhem. On a crisp September morning, Randi sat across from *All Things Considered* host Ari Shapiro in a studio that smelled like fresh coffee and faint desperation (NPR's budget, amirite?). "Randi," Ari began, his voice smooth as a sonnet, "your book paints the Trump administration's education policies as an existential threat. Walk us through it." Randi leaned in, her laugh a velvet dagger. "Ari, darling, it's not a threat—it's a tantrum. These folks fear teachers because we teach kids to coexist in diverse classrooms, to think critically about power. Trump's DOE plans? They're straight out of the authoritarian starter kit: defund public schools, pump up vouchers for elite academies, and censor anything that smells like truth. Remember how conservatives twisted CRT into a boogeyman? It's fear porn—exploiting anxiety to gut the one institution that levels the playing field. Public schools serve *everyone*: the kid with two moms, the immigrant from Somalia, the farm boy whose only shot at college is a Pell Grant. Undermine that, and you undermine democracy itself." Ari nodded, scribbling furiously. "And the unions? Critics call them obstacles." "Obstacles to oligarchy, maybe," Randi shot back, eyes twinkling. "We're one of the last big unionized workforces—blue-collar backbone with PhDs. Autocrats hate organized labor because it organizes *thought*. But post-pandemic? Families get it now. Teachers aren't the enemy; we're the frontline. And hey, if you love CTE—those hands-on programs turning dropouts into drone engineers—blame us. We've been pushing it since before it was cool." The interview went viral, clips ricocheting across X like caffeinated pinballs. #FascistsFearTeachers trended, with memes of Trump as a sulky toddler finger-painting over a blackboard: "No more facts! Only my beautiful lies!" Sales spiked—Penguin Random House couldn't print fast enough. Amazon reviewers split like a polarized Congress: Five-stars from ed reformers ("A roadmap for resistance—witty as hell!") and one-stars from BoomBoom Bondi ("Liberal screed! Teachers are groomers who hate God and golf!"). But the praise poured in: From Gloria Steinem ("A battle cry for the classroom") to even a grudging nod from a centrist poli-sci prof ("Finally, someone connects the dots without the hysteria"). Back in the war room, panic set in. Vought slammed his fist, scattering fries. "That witch Weingarten! Her book's everywhere—it's like *Fifty Shades* for soccer moms who read Foucault!" BoomBoom Bondi scrolled frantically on her phone. "Boss, voters are turning. Even in red states, folks want better schools, not more bans. And get this: AFT's handing out free books like candy at a cult rally. Kids are *reading* again!" Vought's face purpled. "Then escalate! Double down on the vouchers! Call in the Liberty Moms—tell 'em it's Satan's syllabus!" But it was too late. Across America, a quiet revolution brewed. In Ohio, a CTE class built wind turbines that powered a local school—irony much? In Georgia, teachers unionized a district that hadn't seen a contract since Sherman marched through. And in a sleepy suburb of Phoenix, a book club of banned lit sprang up, led by a rogue librarian who'd hidden *Beloved* in the manga section. Randi, touring the heartland in a van plastered with AFT stickers, stopped at every whistle-stop: "Why do fascists fear teachers? Because we arm kids with questions, not chains. We teach history not to repeat it, but to remix it—better, bolder, for all." By election midterms, the tide turned. Voters, weary of the chaos, rejected the BoomBoom's fear factory. School funding bills passed with bipartisan cheers. Moms for Liberty? Their rallies dwindled to echoey parking lots, outnumbered by PTA potlucks serving kale salads and compromise. Operation Destroy Public Schools fizzled like a dud firework—Vought slunk back to his think tank, muttering about "deep state chalk," while BoomBoom peddled used vouchers on eBay. Randi, penning her next chapter over coffee, smiled at Equity the cat. "See, furball? Democracy's not fragile—it's got tenure." And as *Why Fascists Fear Teachers* climbed the bestseller lists—available now at Penguin Random House, Amazon.com, and that indie shop with the cat in the window—she raised a toast to the real MVPs: the educators who'd turned classrooms into fortresses of free thought. In the end, the joke was on the authoritarians. Turns out, when you attack public schools, you don't destroy democracy—you just give teachers a killer book deal. And America? She read it, laughed, and voted accordingly. The end? Nah. Class is always in session.
'Why Fascists Fear Teachers' explores how attacks on education undermine democracy : NPR https://www.npr.org/2025/09/18/nx-s1-5484236/why-fascists-fear-teachers-explores-how-attacks-on-education-undermine-democracy
Why Fascists Fear Teachers | American Federation of Teachers https://www.aft.org/column/why-fascists-fear-teachers
Randi Weingarten on Why Fascists Hate Critical Thinking https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/randi-weingarten-excerpt-fascists-hate-critical-thinking-1235428379/
Why Fascists Fear Teachers - Penguin Random House https://sites.prh.com/whyfascistsfearteachers
Amazon.com: Why Fascists Fear Teachers: Public Education and the Future of Democracy eBook : Weingarten, Randi: Kindle Store https://www.amazon.com/Why-Fascists-Fear-Teachers-Education-ebook/dp/B0DQNKX2QM
Book Talk: Randi Weingarten — Why Fascists Fear Teachers - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POhccoV3Z6M
