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Friday, June 2, 2023




Student debt, oh student debt, the bane of our existence. It's like a millstone around our necks, dragging us down into the depths of financial despair. But fear not, my fellow debtors, for I have a solution! And it involves brushing off that pesky debt and laughing in its face.

You see, student debt relief is a hot topic in Washington these days. Everyone's talking about it, from the president to Bernie Sanders to your weird uncle who always wears a MAGA hat. But what's the deal with all this talk? Why can't we just make our debt disappear with a snap of our fingers like Thanos?

Well, my dear readers, it's not that simple. You see, there are these pesky things called laws and regulations that prevent us from just wiping out all our debt. And Republicans. Don't forget about them. They're like the Grinches of student debt relief, stealing our hopes and dreams with their cold, dead hearts.

But let's not dwell on them. Instead, let's focus on the good news. President Biden has a plan to forgive up to $20,000 in student debt for some borrowers. Hooray! That's like winning the lottery, but without the money. And there's a catch, of course. The plan is facing legal challenges from Republicans who think Biden doesn't have the constitutional authority to cancel student debt without congressional approval. Because apparently, the Constitution cares more about the rights of lenders than the rights of borrowers.

But let's not get bogged down in legal mumbo-jumbo. Let's talk about the real issue here: how do we get rid of our debt and still have enough money to buy avocado toast? Well, my friends, I have a solution. It's called "brushing off your debt and pretending it doesn't exist."

Now, I know what you're thinking. "But wait, won't that ruin my credit score and make it impossible for me to buy a house or a car or anything else I want in life?" Well, yes. But think about it this way: if you don't acknowledge your debt, it doesn't exist. It's like a tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear it. Did it really make a sound? Who cares! You didn't hear it, so it doesn't matter.

Of course, this strategy might not work for everyone. If you have a lot of debt, you might need to come up with a more creative solution. Like robbing a bank or marrying a billionaire. Or maybe just getting a higher-paying job and paying off your debt like a responsible adult. But where's the fun in that?

No, my friends, we must embrace the absurdity of our situation and laugh in the face of our debt. We must make jokes about Sallie Mae and Navient and all those other loan servicers who are constantly harassing us with phone calls and emails and carrier pigeons. We must turn our debt into a punchline and refuse to let it control our lives.

So go ahead, my fellow debtors. Brush off that millstone and show it who's boss. And if anyone asks why you're not paying your loans, just tell them you're too busy living your best life to worry about such trivial matters. Because in the end, isn't that what life is all about? Being happy, even if you're broke as hell?

"Turning His Back on Student Debtors": Biden's Debt Deal Ends Freeze on ... via @YouTube 

Senate passes resolution to block Biden's federal student loan relief plan : NPR