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Monday, May 8, 2023




In the world of education, there's one name that strikes fear into the hearts of public school advocates everywhere: Eli Broad. Or, at least, it used to. You see, Eli Broad recently passed away, leaving behind a legacy of charter school promotion and a trail of destruction in his wake. But don't worry, folks - we're here to pick up the pieces and take a deep dive into the Broad Center at Yale.

First things first: what is the Broad Center? Well, it's a training ground for what some have dubbed "Manchurian candidates" - over 900 individuals who have been brainwashed into believing that charter schools are the way to go, and that public education is a thing of the past. These candidates are then unleashed upon school districts across the country, armed with the tools to dismantle public schools and replace them with privately-run charters.

It's a scary thought, but luckily for us, we have a secret weapon: humor. That's right, folks, we're going to take on Eli Broad and his cronies with the power of satire. So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh (and cry) as we explore the twisted world of charter school promotion.

Let's start with Eli himself. Now, we don't want to speak ill of the dead, but let's be real - this guy was a piece of work. He made his fortune in the world of real estate, and apparently decided that education was his next target. He poured millions of dollars into promoting charter schools, all while ignoring the fact that these schools often cherry-pick their students and leave the most vulnerable behind.

But hey, who needs facts when you've got money? Eli certainly didn't. He was all about that sweet, sweet privatization, baby. And he wasn't afraid to throw his weight around to get what he wanted. In fact, he once threatened to withhold donations to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art if they didn't name a building after him. Talk about ego.

But let's get back to the Broad Center. This place is like a cult, folks. They take these "Manchurian candidates" and put them through a rigorous training program that's designed to turn them into charter school zealots. They learn how to manipulate data to make charters look good, how to spin negative stories in the media, and how to cozy up to politicians in order to get their way.

And it's all for what? So that Eli Broad and his buddies can make a profit off of our kids' education. It's sickening, really. But at least we can laugh about it, right?

So here's a joke for you: why did Eli Broad cross the road? To get to the charter school on the other side! Okay, okay, we know it's not the funniest joke in the world. But it's hard to make jokes about something as serious as the destruction of public education. It's a topic that makes us angry, frustrated, and sad all at once.

But maybe that's why we need humor now more than ever. We need to be able to laugh at the absurdity of it all, to find some levity in a world that can often feel dark and hopeless. And who knows - maybe if we can get enough people laughing, we can start to make some real change.

So here's to you, Eli Broad. May you rest in peace, but may your legacy of charter school promotion be forever mocked and ridiculed. And to all the "Manchurian candidates" out there: we see you, we know what you're up to, and we're not going to let you destroy our public schools without a fight.