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Tuesday, December 31, 2019

CANCELLING CONGRATULATIONS | The Merrow Report

CANCELLING CONGRATULATIONS | The Merrow Report

CANCELLING CONGRATULATIONS
Dear Friend,
Last week I congratulated you for earning enough money to allow you to give generously to deserving non-profit organizations.  As I told you then, I hired a high tech firm to crunch the data from my 5,000 person mailing list.  Well, one person (not you) was outraged that I had spent my money invading the privacy of friends and others.
LIGHTEN UP!  THAT WAS A JOKE! 
I did not spend my own money to dig into your personal space.  I used a gift certificate given to me by a friend in Silicon Valley.  And, by the way, it wasn’t all that expensive.
THAT’S ANOTHER JOKE!  Invasive data-crunching is very expensive.  It actually costs a surprising amount per person.  But it’s worth it because now I can sell the information to marketing firms, which means that I may end up making a profit, a nice way to end the year, I’d say.
THAT’S ANOTHER JOKE!  I will barely break even selling your data.  My data-cruncher told me that only 1,271 of you are capable of making ‘significant’ donations, and, CONTINUE READING: CANCELLING CONGRATULATIONS | The Merrow Report