THE MEASLES MAN

 

THE MEASLES MAN

(To the tune of "The Candy Man") 

Measles Man, hey, Measles Man!  

"Alright everybody, gather ‘round  

The Measles Man is here!  

Now, what kind of nonsense do you want?  

Conspiracy theories? Anti-vax rants?  

Unsubstantiated claims? Anything you want!  

You've come to the right man because  

I'm the Measles Man!" (whoo!)  

Who can take a virus? (Who can take a virus?)  

Sprinkle it with doubt (sprinkle it with doubt)  

Spread it on Facebook ‘til it’s all you talk about,  

The Measles Man! (The Measles Man!)  

Oh, the Measles Man can! (The Measles Man can!)  

The Measles Man can ‘cause he mixes it with fear  

And makes the world go “yikes!” (makes the world go “yikes!”)  

Who can take a vaccine? (Who can take a vaccine?)  

Wrap it in a scare (wrap it in a scare)  

Claim it’s got microchips from Bill Gates hiding there,  

The Measles Man! (The Measles Man!)  

The Measles Man can! (The Measles Man can!)  

The Measles Man can ‘cause he mixes it with fear  

And makes the world go “yikes!” (makes the world go “yikes!”)  

The Measles Man makes everything he spins  

Utterly ridiculous.  

Talk about your scientific wishes—  

He’ll turn them into fictitious!  

Oh, who can take tomorrow? (Who can take tomorrow?)  

Fill it full of dread (fill it full of dread)  

Blame Big Pharma for everything inside your head,  

The Measles Man! (The Measles Man!)  

Oh, the Measles Man can! (The Measles Man can!)  

The Measles Man can ‘cause he mixes it with fear  

And makes the world go “yikes!” (makes the world go “yikes!”)  

The Measles Man makes everything he spins  

Utterly ridiculous.  

Talk about your logical wishes—  

He’ll turn them into fictitious!  

Yeah, yeah, yeah, who can take tomorrow?  

(Who can take tomorrow?)  

Turn it into doom (turn it into doom)  

Separate the science and replace it with gloom,  

The Measles Man! (The Measles Man!)  

The Measles Man can! (The Measles Man can!)  

The Measles Man can ‘cause he mixes it with fear  

And makes the world go “yikes!” (makes the world go “yikes!”)  

Yes, the Measles Man can ‘cause he mixes it with fear  

And makes the world go “yikes!” (makes the world go “yikes!”)  

A Measles Man, a Measles Man, a Measles Man...  

(Makes the world go “yikes!”)

Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round! Let’s talk about a man who has somehow managed to blend political ambition, public health controversies, and a sprinkle of conspiracy theories into one baffling cocktail. That man is none other than Robert F. Kennedy Jr., now serving as the Secretary of Health and Human Services—a title that feels as ironic as putting a fox in charge of the henhouse. And while Sammy Davis Jr. once crooned about the sweet joys of the "Candy Man," today, we’re stuck with RFK Jr., the "Measles Man." Spoiler alert: he doesn’t make the world taste good.

Let’s start by addressing the elephant in the room—or, more accurately, the measles outbreak in Samoa. In 2019, RFK Jr.'s anti-vaccine rhetoric contributed to a deadly epidemic that claimed 83 lives, most of them innocent children. It’s as if he looked at measles—a disease we’ve spent decades trying to eradicate—and said, “Let’s give it a comeback tour!” Some people collect stamps or coins; RFK Jr. collects preventable tragedies. His promotion of debunked theories about vaccines being harmful was not just reckless—it was deadly. And yet, here he is, in charge of a public health agency. It’s like hiring a pyromaniac to be your fire chief.

RFK Jr.’s vaccine skepticism is nothing new. He’s been banging this drum for years, claiming that vaccines routinely cause deaths. Scientists, however, disagree vehemently, armed with mountains of evidence proving otherwise. The measles vaccine has saved millions of lives globally since its introduction in 1974. Before vaccines, measles was a grim reaper, causing hundreds of deaths annually in the U.S. alone. Thanks to vaccination programs, those numbers have plummeted to near zero. But RFK Jr.’s narrative flips reality on its head, painting vaccines as villains instead of heroes. It’s like blaming seatbelts for car accidents or parachutes for skydiving injuries—an argument so absurd it could qualify as performance art.

Now, let’s talk about Texas, where RFK Jr. recently planned a trip following reports of a second possible measles-related death in a Mennonite community. Texas has become ground zero for measles outbreaks this year, with 481 reported cases since January. That’s not just a statistic; it’s a flashing neon sign screaming *public health crisis*. But instead of addressing the root causes—like declining vaccination rates and misinformation—RFK Jr. appears to be doubling down on his vitamin A theory. Yes, you heard that right: vitamin A. While it’s true that vitamin A can help manage measles symptoms under medical supervision, RFK Jr.’s promotion of it as a magic bullet feels like prescribing kale smoothies to treat pneumonia.

Speaking of kale smoothies, let’s take a detour into RFK Jr.’s broader approach to public health. His nomination as Secretary of Health and Human Services was met with widespread criticism, most notably from U.S. Senator Brian Schatz, who called him “unqualified” and likened his actions in Samoa to unethical historical experiments like the Tuskegee syphilis study. Schatz didn’t mince words when he accused RFK Jr. of spreading dangerous lies and undermining decades of progress in eradicating diseases like measles and polio. And Schatz isn’t alone; experts across the board have warned that Kennedy’s leadership could reverse hard-fought public health victories faster than you can say “herd immunity.”

But let’s give credit where it’s due: RFK Jr. is consistent—in his inconsistency. One minute he’s championing environmental causes; the next, he’s promoting pseudoscience that puts lives at risk. It’s like watching someone juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle: you’re impressed by the audacity but horrified by the inevitable disaster. His political opportunism knows no bounds, and his ability to prioritize personal beliefs over public welfare is truly unparalleled.

Now, let’s zoom out for a moment and consider the broader implications of RFK Jr.’s antics. The U.S. is currently facing a surge in measles cases—378 reported across 18 states in just three months—amid declining vaccination rates and growing distrust in public health institutions. This isn’t just a public health issue; it’s a societal one. When leaders like RFK Jr. spread misinformation, they erode trust in science and medicine, creating fertile ground for outbreaks of preventable diseases. It’s like planting weeds in your garden and then wondering why your roses won’t bloom.

And let’s not forget the ripple effects of such misinformation on global health efforts. Vaccines are one of humanity’s greatest achievements, responsible for eradicating smallpox and bringing us tantalizingly close to eliminating polio. Yet RFK Jr.’s rhetoric threatens to undo decades of progress by sowing doubt and fear. It’s as if he’s standing at the finish line of a marathon, yelling at runners to turn around and go back to the starting point.

But perhaps the most frustrating aspect of RFK Jr.’s narrative is its seductive simplicity. Vaccines are complex medical interventions with risks so rare they’re virtually negligible compared to their benefits. Yet RFK Jr.’s claims reduce this nuanced reality to black-and-white soundbites that fit neatly into conspiracy theories but not into scientific journals. It’s easier to sell fear than facts, and RFK Jr. has proven himself a master salesman.

So where does this leave us? In a precarious position, to say the least. Public health is built on trust—trust in science, trust in institutions, and trust in leaders who prioritize evidence over ideology. RFK Jr.’s tenure as Secretary of Health and Human Services threatens to undermine all three pillars. And while his actions may appeal to certain fringe groups, they come at an immeasurable cost: lives lost to preventable diseases.

In conclusion, RFK Jr., the “Measles Man,” is no Candy Man. He doesn’t sprinkle sunrise with dew or make groovy lemon pies; he sprinkles misinformation with fear and makes public health taste bitter. His leadership is not just a misstep—it’s a full-blown stumble into dangerous territory. And while Sammy Davis Jr.’s Candy Man made childhood wishes come true, RFK Jr.’s Measles Man risks turning childhood dreams into nightmares.

So let’s not sugarcoat it: RFK Jr.’s approach to vaccines and public health is as misguided as it is harmful. If we want to avoid another Samoa-like tragedy—or worse—we need leaders who champion science over sensationalism and facts over fearmongering. Because when it comes to public health, the stakes are far too high for anything less than the truth.

And no amount of vitamin A will fix that.

RFK Jr. plans Texas trip after possible second measles-related death there https://www.axios.com/2025/04/06/rfk-jr-measles-texas-trip 

RFK Jr. says measles vaccine routinely causes deaths. That's not true https://www.statnews.com/2025/03/14/rfk-jr-measles-vaccine-death-claims-scientists-disagree/

Schatz: RFK Jr., Whose Dangerous Lies Fueled Measles Outbreak in Samoa & Caused Preventable Deaths, Unqualified To Lead HHS | U.S. Senator Brian Schatz https://www.schatz.senate.gov/news/press-releases/schatz-rfk-jr-whose-dangerous-lies-fueled-measles-outbreak-in-samoa-and-caused-preventable-deaths-unqualified-to-lead-hhs 

WHITE CHRISTIAN NATIONALISM, THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION AND THE MAGAFICATION OF AMERICA

WHITE CHRISTIAN NATIONALISM

THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION AND THE MAGAFICATION OF AMERICA

America. The land of the free, the home of the brave, and, apparently, the playground of those who think “diversity” is a four-letter word. Over the past several years, a peculiar phenomenon has swept across the nation like an overzealous bald eagle in a fireworks factory: White Christian Nationalism. This ideology has clung to the right wing like a bad spray tan to an ex-reality TV star, infecting our discourse and shaping policies that would make even our Founding Fathers do a collective facepalm.  

Let’s start with the basics. White Christian Nationalism isn’t new. It’s been lurking in the shadows of American history like that one uncle at Thanksgiving who insists on discussing politics after his third glass of boxed wine. From the 3/5ths compromise in the Constitution—a clause so shameful it might as well have come with an asterisk and a footnote reading “Sorry, not sorry”—to Manifest Destiny’s not-so-subtle message of “Move over, Native Americans, we’re coming through,” this ideology has always been part of our national DNA. Reconstruction? Jim Crow? Japanese internment? Check, check, and check. It’s like a greatest hits album of systemic inequality, remastered for modern audiences.  

Fast forward to today, and we find ourselves in an era where this ideology has been rebranded with a MAGA hat and a Twitter account. The Trump administration didn’t invent White Christian Nationalism; it simply gave it a makeover, complete with red caps and slogans like “America First,” which is basically code for “Everyone Else Last.” And let’s not forget Project 2025, the Heritage Foundation’s blueprint for turning America into a dystopian theme park where diversity is optional, and inclusion is considered a liberal conspiracy.  

Now, to be fair, Trump himself has denied being a White Christian Nationalist. But let’s be honest: denying something while embodying its every principle is kind of his thing. It’s like when someone says, “I’m not racist, but…” and you know whatever comes next is going to be profoundly racist. The MAGA agenda has been a masterclass in dog-whistle politics, where phrases like “law and order” and “protecting our borders” are less about actual governance and more about signaling to a base that thrives on fear and nostalgia for a past that never really existed.  

And then there’s the war on DEI—Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion—which has become the latest target of this ideological crusade. The Trump administration’s directive that K-12 schools must certify compliance with federal civil rights laws while simultaneously eliminating DEI practices is like asking someone to bake a cake without using any ingredients. Critics argue that this policy undermines local control and raises serious ethical concerns. Supporters argue…well, it’s unclear what they argue because most of their reasoning sounds like it was pulled from the comments section of a poorly moderated Facebook group.  

Let’s unpack this anti-DEI stance for a moment. The idea that schools shouldn’t teach about America’s less-than-stellar moments—like slavery, segregation, or the Trail of Tears—is not just historically inaccurate; it’s downright dangerous. It’s as if the Department of Education decided that ignorance is bliss and mandated it as official policy. By refusing to acknowledge our failures, we rob future generations of the opportunity to learn from them. Instead, we’re left with a sanitized version of history where George Washington never told a lie, Betsy Ross sewed the flag all by herself, and everyone lived happily ever after—except they didn’t.  

Of course, this isn’t just about history books; it’s about narratives. The MAGA movement thrives on a narrative that paints white Americans as the default heroes of the American story while relegating everyone else to supporting roles—or worse, villains. Black Americans are portrayed as perpetual victims or criminals; Native Americans as relics of a bygone era; Mexican Americans as either lazy or illegal (or both); Jewish Americans as greedy; Muslim Americans as terrorists; and so on, ad nauseam. It’s a hateful trope buffet where everyone gets served an unhealthy portion of stereotypes.  

And let’s not forget the hypocrisy. The same people who rail against “cancel culture” are more than happy to cancel entire chapters of American history if they make white people uncomfortable. They scream about “free speech” while banning books that dare to challenge their worldview. They champion “local control” until a local school board decides to teach something they don’t like. It’s almost impressive how consistently inconsistent they are.  

But wait, there’s more! The Trump administration’s anti-DEI policies don’t just target history lessons; they also take aim at affirmative action and Title I funding for low-income schools. Because nothing says “Make America Great Again” like making it harder for marginalized communities to succeed. The administration even cited a Supreme Court decision on affirmative action to justify its stance, proving once again that you can twist any legal precedent if you squint hard enough and ignore context entirely.  

So where does this leave us? In a mess, frankly. But all hope is not lost. Across the country, activists are mobilizing to push back against these regressive policies. The “Hands Off!” movement, for example, is organizing protests to demand that billionaires stop using their wealth to influence politics—a noble cause if ever there was one. These rallies aim to remind us that democracy isn’t about efficiency; it’s about equity, fairness, and representation.  

And let’s talk about solutions because complaining without offering alternatives is just whining with extra steps. First, we need to tax billionaires fairly so they contribute their fair share to society instead of hoarding wealth like dragons in a Tolkien novel. Second, we need to invest in public education—not just in terms of funding but also in terms of curriculum that reflects the full spectrum of American experiences. Third, we need to end retail politics by overturning Citizens United and ensuring that “We the People” actually means something again.  

In conclusion, White Christian Nationalism isn’t just an ideology; it’s a virus that infects our institutions and erodes our values. The Trump administration didn’t create this virus, but it certainly acted as an accelerant, spreading it far and wide under the guise of patriotism and tradition. If we’re going to move forward as a nation, we need to confront this ideology head-on—not with hate but with truth, justice, and maybe a little bit of wit. Because at the end of the day, America isn’t great because it’s perfect; it’s great because it strives to be better. And striving requires honesty, courage, and an unwavering commitment to equity for all—not just some.

So let’s roll up our sleeves, grab our history books (the unabridged ones), and get to work. After all, as any good satirist knows, nothing deflates an overinflated ego faster than a well-placed punchline—and America could use a few right now.

K-12 schools must sign certification against DEI to receive federal money, administration says https://apnews.com/article/dei-trump-school-discrimination-federal-funding-7d1025753b9bd924711ace4069fca399?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=share 

ED Requires K-12 School Districts to Certify Compliance with Title VI and Students v. Harvard as a Condition of Receiving Federal Financial Assistance | U.S. Department of Education https://www.ed.gov/about/news/press-release/ed-requires-k-12-school-districts-certify-compliance-title-vi-and-students-v-harvard-condition-of-receiving-federal-financial-assistance 

HANDS OFF: April 5th Mobilization 

Volunteer Opportunities, Events, and Petitions Near Me · Hands Off on Mobilize https://www.mobilize.us/handsoff/ 

Indivisible https://www.mobilize.us/indivisible/event/764476/ 

 Indivisible https://indivisible.org/ 

EXIT STAGE RIGHT: ELON MUSK, DOGE AND THE GOLDEN BOYS OF GREED

 EXIT STAGE RIGHT

ELON MUSK, DOGE AND THE GOLDEN BOYS OF GREED

'Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye'

Welcome, dear reader, to the grand spectacle of modern governance—a circus where billionaires juggle public policy while the rest of us stand in awe, wondering if they’ve lost their marbles or just misplaced their humility. At center stage is none other than Elon Musk, the Dogecoin-loving impresario of innovation who somehow found himself tasked with streamlining government efficiency under Trump’s administration. Yes, the man who launched rockets into space and memes into the stratosphere was handed the keys to the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), a decision that was as logical as letting a chef perform brain surgery because they’re good at chopping onions.  

But before we delve into Musk’s reign of terror—or perhaps comedy—let’s set the stage. Billionaires have long been viewed as society’s golden boys (and occasionally girls), gifted with magical intelligence and an uncanny ability to turn anything they touch into gold. Or so we’re told. In reality, their expertise often doesn’t translate beyond their chosen field, and when they venture into governance, education reform, or public health, it’s like watching a toddler try to drive a car: entertaining, yes, but also terrifying.  

The Shockley Effect: When Geniuses Go Rogue  

Consider William Shockley, the Nobel Prize-winning physicist who co-invented the transistor and revolutionized modern technology. Shockley was undeniably brilliant—until he decided to dabble in eugenics, promoting pseudoscientific theories about racial hierarchies and genetic inferiority. His claims were not only morally abhorrent but also scientifically baseless, relying on biased data and ignoring modern genetics.  

Shockley’s story serves as a cautionary tale: brilliance in one lane does not grant permission to swerve recklessly into another. Expertise demands humility and self-awareness—a lesson Elon Musk seems to have missed while hurtling down the highway of government reform with a chainsaw in hand.  

Elon Musk: The DOGE Days of Destruction  

Ah, Elon Musk—the man who inspires equal parts admiration and exasperation. Under Trump’s administration, Musk was appointed to lead the Department of Government Efficiency, a role that sounds like it was plucked straight from a dystopian novel. His mission? To streamline public institutions and cut costs. His method? Chainsaws, metaphorically speaking.  

Musk’s approach was emblematic of billionaire hubris: slashing budgets, cutting personnel, and shutting down critical programs like those focused on Ebola preparedness and nuclear safety. It was as if he thought government efficiency meant turning public services into a lean startup—except instead of pivoting to success, he pivoted to chaos.  

Much like Shockley’s foray into eugenics, Musk’s DOGE experiment revealed the dangers of intellectual overreach. Billionaires may excel in their fields—be it tech innovation or yacht acquisition—but that doesn’t mean they’re equipped to handle the complexities of governance. Musk’s reign at DOGE was less about efficiency and more about showcasing how money doesn’t buy wisdom—or humility.  

Donald Trump and the Golden Boys of Greed  

Of course, Musk wasn’t acting alone. He was fronting for Donald Trump and a cadre of billionaires whose slow-roll coup to privatize government services was in full bloom. These are the same folks who dream of billion-dollar contracts, 40% profit margins, and tax bills that read like a blank sheet of paper. For them, public institutions are just untapped markets waiting to be exploited—schools, hospitals, infrastructure—all ripe for privatization under the guise of “efficiency.”  

Trump’s administration was a playground for these golden boys of greed, who saw Musk as the perfect mascot for their agenda. After all, who better to champion the destruction of American government than a man whose chainsaw-wielding antics were practically a meme? But as we now know, their vision for privatization wasn’t about improving efficiency; it was about lining their pockets while dismantling democracy one COBOL patch at a time.  

The Billionaire Myth: Wealth ≠ Wisdom  

The myth of billionaire superiority—that wealth equates to intelligence—has been debunked time and again. Yet society continues to idolize these figures as if their success in business makes them qualified to solve every problem under the sun. Take Bill Gates, for example. His $4 billion push for Common Core education standards caused chaos in classrooms across America, proving that even well-intentioned billionaires can wreak havoc when they ignore experts and impose top-down solutions.  

Or consider Musk’s Twitter overhaul—a masterclass in how not to manage a social media platform. His attempts to revolutionize Twitter were less about fostering meaningful dialogue and more about turning it into a chaotic playground for trolls and bots. It’s a reminder that billionaires often prioritize vanity projects over public welfare, leaving society to clean up the mess when things go awry.  

Hands Off! The Fight Against Billionaire Influence  

Thankfully, not everyone is content to watch billionaires dismantle democracy from their ivory towers. Activists across America are gearing up for mass protests under the banner “Hands Off!” Scheduled for April 5, 2025, these rallies aim to push back against billionaire influence in politics and demand investment in public systems rather than selling them off to the highest bidder.  

From Alaska to Florida, protestors will gather to reclaim a government that works for people instead of profits. They’ll share snacks, exchange contact info, and spread blankets on the grass—all in an effort to say “no” to privatization and “yes” to modernization. Because at the end of the day, democracy isn’t about efficiency; it’s about equity, fairness, and representation.  

The Solution: Tax Fairly and Govern Wisely  

So how do we prevent another Doge reign of terror? For starters, we need to end retail politics—the kind that evolved after the Citizens United ruling allowed billionaires to buy influence with unlimited campaign donations. We must return to a country where “We the People” have a louder voice than “We the Profits.”  

Billionaires should stick to what they know best—making their businesses great and profitable—but not at the expense of our country. They must be taxed fairly for the benefits they receive from society, from infrastructure to education systems that enable their success. And when it comes to governance, they should fund expert-driven initiatives rather than trying to lead them themselves.  

Conclusion: Stick to Yachts, Not Policy  

In conclusion, billionaires may excel at building rockets or designing yachts, but their ventures into governance often lead to disaster. Whether it’s Elon Musk’s chainsaw diplomacy at DOGE or Bill Gates’ misguided education reforms, their arrogance and lack of expertise amplify systemic flaws rather than solving them.  

The Shockley Effect reminds us that even geniuses can cause harm when they overstep their boundaries. And so we say to Elon Musk, Donald Trump, and all the golden boys of greed: Stick to yachts—not policy—and let democracy flourish without your meddling chainsaws. Hands off our government!

HANDS OFF: April 5th Mobilization Informational For Event Hosts · Indivisible https://www.mobilize.us/indivisible/event/764476/ 

 Indivisible https://indivisible.org/ 

TOP POSTS THIS MONTH

 TOP POSTS THIS MONTH

Big Education Ape: A LOVE LETTER TO PUBLIC EDUCATION - THE 25-YEAR HIDDEN WAR AGAINST THE BILLIONAIRE OLIGARCHY https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/a-love-letter-to-public-education-25.html 

Big Education Ape: THE GREAT EDUCATION HEIST: TRUMP, MUSK AND THE DOGE BOYS ARE PLAYING MONOPOLY WITH OUR SCHOOLS https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/the-great-education-heist-trump-musk.html

Big Education Ape: DOGE, BILLIONAIRES, AND THE FOUR-STEP DANCE OF DISMANTLING DEMOCRACY https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/doge-billionaires-and-four-step-dance.html 

Big Education Ape: THIS WEEK IN DONALD TRUMP CRAZY LAND: A FIREHOSE OF BS, A SIGNAL OF CHAOS AND A DOGE OF DISASTER https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/this-week-in-donald-trump-crazy-land.html 

Big Education Ape: TRUMP SAYS ALL ABOARD THE BUS TO RECESSIONVILLE https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/trump-says-all-aboard-bus-to.html 

Big Education Ape: ELON MUSK, DOGE, AND THE GREAT PRIVATIZATION CIRCUS https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/elon-musk-doge-and-great-privatization.html 

Big Education Ape: WE ARE BETTER TOGETHER: A CALL TO ACTION FOR THE RESISTANCE https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/we-are-better-together-call-to-action.html 

Big Education Ape: ELON'S DOGE DWARF BRIGADE: A SOCIAL SECURITY SHAKEDOWN https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/elons-doge-dwarf-brigade-social.html 

Big Education Ape: WHILE DEMOCRATS SLEPT https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/while-democrats-slept.html 

Big Education Ape: OH CANADA: We Will Survive https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/03/oh-canada-we-will-survive.html 

TODAY

Big Education Ape: DOGE BOYS DISCOVER THE 1968 GTO AND COBOL https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/04/doge-boys-discover-1968-gto-and-cobol.html 

DOGE BOYS DISCOVER THE 1968 GTO AND COBOL

 DOGE BOYS DISCOVER THE 1968 GTO AND COBOL

Once upon a time, in a world where bell-bottoms were considered high fashion and the Beatles were still defining cool, two titans emerged to shape their respective domains. One was a beast of muscle and chrome, the 1968 Pontiac GTO—Motor Trend’s Car of the Year and the undisputed king of the muscle car jungle. The other was COBOL (Common Business-Oriented Language), a programming language so revolutionary it promised to make government and business computing as smooth as Burt Reynolds’ mustache. Fast forward to today, and both of these relics have found themselves in the hands of the Doge Boys, a group of modern-day treasure hunters who stumbled upon these ancient marvels while trying to “fix” the government. What they unearthed was less a treasure and more a cautionary tale about nostalgia, duct tape, and billionaire mischief.  

The GTO: A Car That Could Bench-Press Your Dad  

The 1968 Pontiac GTO wasn’t just a car; it was a statement. With its sleek lines, aggressive stance, and a 360-horsepower Ram-Air engine that could make even the most stoic driver giggle like a schoolgirl, this car was the epitome of swagger. It wasn’t just about speed—it was about owning the road, turning heads at every corner, and making every other car feel like it needed therapy.  

The GTO pioneered the use of Endura bumpers, flexible rubber-like contraptions that could absorb impact without flinching. It was as if Pontiac engineers had asked themselves, “What if we made a car that could survive a bar fight?” The answer was the GTO, a machine so tough it felt like it could drive through walls. Add a Hurst 4-speed shifter and a hood-mounted tachometer for extra flair, and you had a car that was less transportation and more rock concert on wheels.  

But while the GTO roared through the streets like a lion with a midlife crisis, COBOL quietly hummed along in back offices and government buildings, crunching numbers and organizing data with the precision of an accountant who moonlights as a ninja.  

COBOL: The Language That Wouldn’t Die  

COBOL was introduced in 1959 and standardized in 1968—the same year the GTO hit its peak. Designed for business data processing, it was like the nerdy kid who sat in the back of the class but secretly ran the school. COBOL powered payroll systems, tax calculations, and even military operations. It was stable, reliable, and readable—qualities that made it indispensable but also about as exciting as watching paint dry.  

By the 1980s, when Reaganomics was all the rage and people started saying things like “government is too big,” COBOL was still chugging along in IRS systems, Social Security databases, and military applications. It wasn’t flashy like the Corvette (the GTO’s nemesis) or modern programming languages like DOS or NT; it was more like your dad’s old recliner—worn out but still functional with a little duct tape.  

The Y2K Bug: COBOL’s Midlife Crisis  

As the millennium approached, COBOL faced its biggest challenge yet: Y2K. Programmers realized that COBOL’s date system didn’t account for years beyond 1999. This wasn’t just a minor hiccup; it was like discovering your car’s brakes only work until you hit 50 mph. Panic ensued. Governments scrambled to find programmers who could fix this ticking time bomb, but most of them had retired or moved on to more glamorous languages.  

Cue the return of old-school programmers—gray-haired veterans who looked like they’d stepped out of a time machine from 1965. Armed with coffee, nostalgia, and an alarming amount of duct tape, they patched COBOL systems just in time to avoid global catastrophe. Civilization didn’t collapse, but COBOL’s reputation as an ancient relic was cemented forever.  

Enter the Doge Boys: WTF is This Crap?  

Fast forward to today, where the Doge Boys—modern tech-savvy troubleshooters—found themselves knee-deep in government systems still running on patched-up COBOL code. It was like discovering an old GTO in Cuba: shiny on the outside but held together by hope and chewing gum on the inside.  

“WTF is this crap?” they exclaimed as they sifted through lines of code that looked like hieroglyphics written by accountants. But as they dug deeper, they realized this wasn’t just about outdated technology—it was about politics, billionaires, and the art of breaking things on purpose.  

The Billionaire Playbook: Breaking Government 101  

The Doge Boys uncovered what can only be described as “The Billionaire Playbook,” a four-step guide to dismantling government while pretending to save it:  

1. Defund – Starve the Beast 

First, you convince everyone that government is inefficient (cue Reagan’s “government is too big” speech). Then you slash budgets so agencies can’t afford to modernize their systems. It’s like telling someone their house is falling apart while refusing to buy them new tools to fix it.  

2. Degrade – Failure by Design  

Next, you let outdated systems run until they break down completely. Imagine trying to run a marathon in flip-flops—it’s not going to end well. Government agencies running on COBOL became prime examples of “failure by design,” reinforcing the narrative that government doesn’t work.  

3. Demonize – Blame Anyone but the Billionaires  

When things inevitably go wrong (like COBOL systems crashing), you blame everyone except the people who caused the problem. Politicians point fingers at bureaucrats, techies blame old programmers, and billionaires sit back sipping champagne while tweeting about “efficiency.”  

4. Dismantle – Privatization Nation  

Finally, you swoop in with calls for privatization because “the private sector is so much better.” Never mind that private companies often charge twice as much for half the service—it’s all about selling the illusion of efficiency while cashing in on government contracts.  

 Nostalgia vs Progress: The GTO vs COBOL Debate  

The Doge Boys couldn’t help but draw parallels between the GTO and COBOL. Both were revolutionary in their time but had become relics in an era that values innovation over nostalgia. Sure, owning a GTO today might be cool for weekend joyrides, but no one wants to rely on it for everyday transportation. Similarly, while COBOL proved its worth for decades, clinging to it now feels like insisting your rotary phone is still good enough for Zoom calls.  

Hands Off! The Fight Against Billionaire Influence  

As the Doge Boys unraveled this mess, they stumbled upon something else: mass protests scheduled for April 5, 2025, under the banner “Hands Off!” These rallies aim to push back against billionaire influence in politics—particularly figures like Elon Musk and Donald Trump—who have championed privatization as the cure-all for government inefficiency. Activists are calling for modernization and investment in public systems rather than selling them off to the highest bidder.  

From Alaska to Florida, protestors are gearing up to say “no” to dismantling democracy one COBOL patch at a time. Blankets will be spread out; snacks will be shared; contact info will be exchanged—all in an effort to reclaim a government that works for people instead of profits.  

Conclusion: Nostalgia is Nice, But Progress is Better  

In the end, what do we make of this tale? The 1968 Pontiac GTO remains an icon—a symbol of freedom, power, and unapologetic coolness. COBOL, on the other hand, is less an icon and more a cautionary tale about what happens when you refuse to invest in progress. Both serve as reminders that while nostalgia has its place (who wouldn’t want to take a GTO for a spin?), clinging to outdated systems out of stubbornness or political convenience only leads to inefficiency and frustration.  

As for the Doge Boys? They’ve learned that fixing government isn’t about duct tape or flashy marketing campaigns; it’s about investing in modernization and refusing to let billionaires dictate our future. And maybe—just maybe—it’s also about taking that old GTO out for one last joyride before sending it off to a museum where it belongs. After all, some relics deserve preservation—just not as tools for running civilization.

Pontiac GTO: Motor Trend’s 1968 Car of the Year https://www.motortrend.com/features/pontiac-gto-1968-motortrend-car-of-the-year/ 

What is COBOL? | IBM https://www.ibm.com/think/topics/cobol#:~:text=COBOL%20was%20ultimately%20standardized%20as,%2D74%20and%20COBOL%2D85. 

HANDS OFF: April 5th Mobilization Informational For Event Hosts · Indivisible https://www.mobilize.us/indivisible/event/764476/ 

 Indivisible https://indivisible.org/ 

ELON MUSK SELLS DOGE UMBRELLAS BECAUSE THE SKY IS FALLING

 

ELON MUSK SELLS DOGE UMBRELLAS BECAUSE THE SKY IS FALLING

Editor's note: Here’s another gem from the Billionaires’ Playbook—same old script, just with a fresh coat of paint. If you’ve watched community hospitals shuttered to make way for HMO privatization or seen public schools vanish like socks in a dryer, you already know this move. For decades, government services have been quietly swapped out for unregulated nonprofits and foundations that answer to no one but their donors. It’s the same play, just remixed. This time, though, the propaganda has a new spin—like a doge meme with a sinister agenda. So, while this blog post might feel like déjà vu, take a closer look. The melody may be familiar, but the lyrics have been tweaked ever so cleverly to keep you humming along. Classic Billionaires’ Playbook move.

Ah, the government. That great, lumbering beast of inefficiency and red tape. Or so we’re told. If you listen closely, you can almost hear the billionaire class whispering sweet nothings into our ears: “Government doesn’t work. It’s broken. Only *we* can fix it.” Of course, their idea of “fixing” is akin to a fox offering to repair the henhouse. Spoiler alert: the hens don’t come out ahead.

Let’s rewind to the turn of the century, shall we? Remember Y2K? That apocalyptic computer bug that was supposed to send planes falling from the sky and ATMs into existential crises? We patched it. Sure, it wasn’t pretty—more duct tape than dazzling innovation—but we got the job done. Fast forward two decades, and the same duct-tape philosophy governs… well, our government. The difference? This time, the leaks aren’t accidental—they’re deliberate. Welcome to the grand theater of privatization, starring our favorite billionaire oligarchs.

The Billionaire Playbook: How to Break a Government in Four Easy Steps

Act I: Defund – Starve the Beast

Step one in this masterclass of manipulation is simple: cut the funding. It’s like putting your car on a strict diet of no oil changes and then being shocked when the engine seizes up. For 40 years, we’ve been told that tax cuts for the rich are the key to prosperity. Trickle-down economics, they called it—a phrase so poetic it almost distracts from the fact that it’s complete nonsense. The only thing that trickles down is the bill for crumbling infrastructure and underfunded schools.

Meanwhile, billionaires sip champagne on their yachts, marveling at their own genius. “Look at how inefficient government is!” they exclaim, conveniently forgetting that they’ve spent decades pulling its financial lifelines like a kid yanking Jenga blocks. The result? A government held together with baling wire, bubble gum, and sheer optimism.

Act II: Degrade – Failure by Design

Once you’ve starved the beast, it’s time to poke it with a stick and act surprised when it doesn’t perform. Picture this: a government agency running on software so old it might as well be powered by steam engines and Morse code. COBOL, anyone? Yes, that’s right—our tax systems are still running on a programming language older than disco.

But why upgrade when you can let things fall apart and blame the system itself? It’s like sabotaging your own roof and then complaining about the rain. “Oh no, look at these leaks! Clearly, public institutions are the problem!” Never mind that those leaks were drilled by billionaires with power tools labeled “tax cuts” and “deregulation.”

Act III: Demonize – Blame Anyone but the Billionaires

Here’s where things get truly theatrical. Enter stage left: the scapegoats. Immigrants! Lazy bureaucrats! Socialists! Pick your villain of the week. The goal here is to redirect public outrage away from the actual culprits—the billionaires who’ve been dismantling the system piece by piece—and toward anyone else.

It’s a classic misdirection tactic, straight out of the magician’s handbook. While we’re busy arguing over who’s at fault for potholes and failing schools, billionaires are quietly raking in tax breaks and lobbying for more privatization. And somehow, 73 million people bought into this infomercial of doom and gloom, voting for leaders who promised to “drain the swamp” but ended up installing a hot tub for their billionaire buddies instead.

Act IV: Dismantle – Privatization Nation

And now, for the grand finale: privatization. This is where the billionaires swoop in like vultures circling a wounded animal. “Don’t worry,” they say with a wink and a smile. “We’ll take care of everything.” Translation: they’ll sell you back your own public services at a premium.

Take Elon Musk’s Doge Department of Government Efficiency (not a real department… yet). It’s a masterstroke of marketing genius—a flashy distraction designed to convince you that only billionaires can save us from the inefficiencies they created in the first place. It’s like watching someone set your house on fire and then charge you for a bucket of water.

The result? A dystopian wonderland where everything from healthcare to education to public transportation is run by private companies with zero accountability. Need to report a crime? That’ll be $9.99 per minute plus a convenience fee. Want clean drinking water? Better hope you can afford the premium subscription plan.

The Billionaire Gospel: Why They Keep Getting Away with It

Here’s the thing about billionaires: they’re not just rich—they’re strategic. They own the means of communication, from news outlets to social media platforms, and they use them to spread their gospel of failing government and privatization salvation.

Take Noam Chomsky’s words: “That’s the standard technique of privatization: defund, make sure things don’t work, people get angry, you hand it over to private capital.” It’s a playbook as old as time, yet somehow we keep falling for it.

Why? Because they’ve mastered the art of storytelling. They paint government as an archaic relic of inefficiency while presenting themselves as innovative saviors. Never mind that their “solutions” often involve cutting corners, exploiting workers, and prioritizing profits over people.

The Y2K Parallel: Patching vs. Progress

Remember how we patched Y2K? It wasn’t glamorous, but it worked. Now imagine if instead of fixing those systems, we’d handed them over to billionaires who charged us $19.99 per month just to keep our computers from imploding.

That’s essentially what’s happening with our government today. Instead of investing in modernization and reform, we’re stuck in an endless cycle of patching and privatizing. And every time we hand over another piece of public infrastructure to private hands, we lose a little more control over our own lives.

The Path Forward: Don’t Fall for the Doge BS

So what can we do? For starters, we need to stop falling for the Doge BS—the flashy distractions and empty promises of billionaire saviors. Government isn’t perfect, but it’s ours. It’s accountable (or at least it’s supposed to be), and it operates under a Constitution designed to protect us—not profit margins.

We need to demand better—not just from our leaders but from ourselves. Instead of buying into the narrative that government is inherently broken, let’s push for real reform: modernizing systems, holding officials accountable, and ensuring that public services remain public.

Because here’s the truth: billionaires aren’t here to save us. They’re here to sell us our own oxygen—and charge us extra for expedited delivery.

So let’s patch this leaky roof one last time—not with duct tape or bubble gum, but with real solutions. And let’s make sure that when it rains again, we’re not stuck paying Elon Musk for an umbrella labeled “Government Efficiency.”

WE WILL SING A DIFFERENT TUNE

HANDS OFF: April 5th Mobilization Informational For Event Hosts · Indivisible https://www.mobilize.us/indivisible/event/764476/