TRUMP'S WONDERLAND SPEECH LEAVES DAVOS ASKING "HOW DO YOU SPELL 25TH AMENDMENT?"
By A Very Confused Big Education Ape (WTF)
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND — In a speech that would have made the Mad Hatter proud and left Lewis Carroll spinning in his grave with equal parts horror and admiration, President Donald Trump descended upon the World Economic Forum on January 21, 2026, armed with what can only be described as a hookah-fueled fever dream masquerading as foreign policy.
"Off With Their Tariffs!" Screams the Queen of Mar-a-Lago
The question on everyone's lips isn't whether Trump is more Queen of Hearts or Mad Hatter—it's whether he's somehow managed to embody both simultaneously while smoking whatever that caterpillar was puffing on the mushroom.
"Off with their trade deals!" he might as well have shrieked, threatening 10% tariffs on any nation that dared refuse his most modest proposal: that Denmark simply hand over Greenland, you know, for "world protection." Because nothing says "protecting democracy" quite like 19th-century territorial acquisition dressed up in a "golden dome" of missile defense absurdity.
The speech featured such greatest hits as:
- Claiming he'd "defeated inflation" (the economic equivalent of "I've invented a new kind of croquet using flamingos")
- Proposing to send Americans $2,000 checks from tariff revenue (because that's definitely how economics works in Wonderland)
- Insisting there are "no real wind farms in China" (they only make them for "stupid people"—his words, not mine)
- Declaring NATO allies "unreliable" while simultaneously demanding they appreciate him more
"Curiouser and Curiouser," Said Canadian PM Mark Carney
Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where words still have meaning, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney delivered what adults call a "speech" rather than a "verbal tantrum."
Carney warned of "rupture"—though given Trump's performance, one wonders if he initially wrote "rapture" and autocorrect saved us all from theological confusion. His message was clear: "If you're not at the table, you're on the menu."
In Trump's Wonderland, apparently, Greenland is the appetizer, Canada is the main course, and Europe is dessert—served with a side of 10% tariffs and a generous helping of diplomatic arson.
The Cheshire Cat Grins: Global Reaction
The world is reacting with what diplomatic cables are politely calling "distain and horror" (though "distain" might be a Freudian slip for "disdain" mixed with "stain"—as in, the stain this leaves on international relations).
Europe's Response:
- EU President Ursula von der Leyen prepared the "trade bazooka" (which sounds like something from Jabberwocky)
- Emmanuel Macron declared "We prefer respect to bullies" while Trump mocked his sunglasses
- Denmark issued crisis advice brochures to Greenlandic citizens (because nothing says "normal Tuesday" like your closest ally threatening territorial annexation)
The New Alliances: Like Alice trying to make sense of the Queen's croquet game, middle powers are forming new partnerships:
- Europe is courting massive infrastructure investments in Greenland
- Canada is building a "fortress economy"
- Countries are eyeing partnerships with China and India—because when your traditional ally starts sounding like an imperialist time traveler from 1885, you start exploring your options
Stock Markets Take the Plunge
The Dow, S&P 500, and Nasdaq all tumbled faster than Alice down the rabbit hole. Turns out investors don't appreciate it when the President of the United States threatens the entire Western alliance over an island that isn't for sale while claiming he's achieved the "fastest economic turnaround in history."
"How Do You Spell 25th Amendment?"
That's T-W-E-N-T-Y-F-I-F-T-H, for those keeping score at home. Section 4, to be specific—the one about Cabinet members determining whether the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office.
Though in fairness to Trump, the 25th Amendment doesn't specifically cover "acting like you've been smoking hookah with a fictional caterpillar before threatening to economically kneecap your oldest allies over territorial expansion fantasies."
The Looking Glass Cracks
French President Macron warned of a "shift toward autocracy" and a world where "international law is trampled underfoot"—which is diplomatic speak for "we've gone through the looking glass, folks, and everything is backwards now."
Denmark's Foreign Minister noted that while Trump's pledge not to use military force was "positive in isolation," the underlying problem remains. Translation: "Great, you won't invade, but you're still trying to buy a country that isn't for sale like it's a golf course in Scotland."
"We're All Mad Here"
The Cheshire Cat was right: we're all mad here. But there's a difference between whimsical Wonderland madness and the kind that makes NATO allies dust off their "Anti-Coercion Instruments" and prepare $100 billion in retaliatory tariffs.
As Trump told Carney: "Canada lives because of the United States. Remember that, Mark."
To which the rest of the world collectively responded: "And there it is—the Queen of Hearts energy we were waiting for."
The Moral of the Story
In Lewis Carroll's world, the madness was contained to a dream. Alice woke up. The Queen of Hearts couldn't actually behead anyone. The Mad Hatter's tea party was just that—a party, not policy.
But in Davos 2026, the rabbit hole is real, the tea party is setting foreign policy, and the world is watching in horror as the self-proclaimed "stable genius" threatens to dismantle seven decades of Western alliance over... what exactly? A "golden dome"? Tariff revenue? The chance to add Greenland to his real estate portfolio?
As Canadian PM Carney wisely noted: "Nostalgia is not a strategy."
Neither, it turns out, is channeling Lewis Carroll while high on whatever that caterpillar was smoking.
The world to Trump: Please wake up from this dream. We'd all like to get back to reality now.
Trump to the world: "Off with their heads! I mean, tariffs! I mean... where's my golden dome?"
Curiouser and curiouser, indeed.
The Big Education Ape is currently seeking asylum in a world where foreign policy isn't conducted via threats, mockery, and territorial acquisition fantasies. Applications being accepted through the looking glass.
