PENNY DOES DC

 Editor's note: My two cents -In the grand chessboard of public education, the billionaire oligarchs have been playing a cunning game, moving their pawns with precision to undermine the system from within. By installing operatives in key administrative roles, they’ve managed to gum up the works and create chaos, all while claiming to be saviors of the system they’re actively dismantling. Armed with buzzwords like "innovation" and "accountability," they’ve pushed policies that prioritize profits over pupils, leaving teachers demoralized and communities divided. It's a classic bait-and-switch: promise to "fix" public education, then quietly replace it with a privatized patchwork that benefits the few at the expense of the many. The following illustrates just such a strategy: (see  THE OLIGARCHY'S GREAT AMERICAN EDUCATION HEIST:  https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/01/the-oligarchys-great-american-education.html )

PENNY DOES DC

PENNY SCHWINN GOES TO US DEPT OF EDUCATION AS A DEPUTY UNDER LINDA MCMAHON

Once upon a time, in the shadowy halls of the Billionaire Oligarchy™, where the air smelled faintly of caviar and freshly printed tax loopholes, a grand scheme was afoot. The mission? To dismantle public education one Trojan horse at a time. And who better to lead this audacious campaign than the enigmatic, ever-ascending Penny Schwinn? A woman whose career trajectory resembled a rollercoaster designed by a conspiracy theorist on Red Bull.

Penny’s journey began innocently enough as a Teach for America recruit in Baltimore. There, she taught for two years, which is roughly the same amount of time it takes most teachers to figure out where the staff bathroom is. But Penny wasn’t like most teachers. No, she was a 'visionary'. By the time her chalk dust had settled, she was already earning a master’s degree from Johns Hopkins and plotting her next move—straight out of the classroom and into the boardrooms of reform.

After a brief stint training teachers in Los Angeles (because who better to train teachers than someone with two years of experience?), Penny made an unexpected pivot. She joined McMaster-Carr, a bolt and screw company. Yes, the irony was palpable—she was learning how to fasten things while preparing to unfasten the public education system. It was during this time that she crossed paths with St. Hope Foundation, a charter school empire run by Sacramento’s own Kevin Johnson, former NBA star and mayor with more scandals than slam dunks. Penny took on the role of “Head of Student Achievement,” while her husband Paul became the principal. It was like a family sitcom, but with federal investigations instead of laugh tracks.

By 2011, Penny was ready to go solo. She founded her very own charter school in Sacramento: Capitol Collegiate Academy. It began with 60 kindergartners and a dream—though that dream seemed to involve shedding students faster than a dog in summer. By the time her first cohort reached seventh grade, only 15 students remained. But hey, who’s counting? (Answer: the state auditors, probably.)

Nine months into her principalship, Penny decided that running a school wasn’t challenging enough. So she ran for the County school board and won, backed by endorsements from some of Sacramento’s most colorful characters, including Sheriff Lou Blanas, whose reputation for police brutality was rivaled only by his knack for political machinations. It was like assembling the Avengers, but if all the Avengers were under federal investigation.

Penny didn’t stay long on the County school board—just 14 months later, she jumped ship to become an assistant superintendent for Sacramento City Unified School District. Her new role came with a six-figure salary and oversight of… wait for it… her own charter school. That’s right, Penny was now both the fox and the farmer in this henhouse of education reform.

But Sacramento wasn’t big enough for Penny’s ambitions. Soon, she packed up her whiteboards and PowerPoints and headed to Delaware, where she became the Chief Accountability Officer for the state’s Department of Education. Her tenure there was marked by controversy when her husband landed a cushy job funded by—you guessed it—the Delaware DOE. It was like nepotism bingo: “Family member hired? Check! Conflict of interest? Double check! Awkward press conference? Full card!”

From Delaware, Penny leapfrogged to Texas, because everything’s bigger in Texas—including no-bid contracts awarded to friends. One such contract cost taxpayers $5 million and involved a company run by Michelle Rhee’s former deputy chancellor. By now, it was clear that Penny had a type: reformers with résumés as dubious as their spreadsheets.

But Texas was just a pit stop on Penny’s inevitable road to Tennessee, where Governor Bill Lee welcomed her with open arms and a mission to overhaul public education. As Tennessee’s Commissioner of Education, Penny rolled out initiatives faster than legislators could say, “Wait, what?” Her pièce de résistance was a no-bid contract for a pilot voucher program that left lawmakers scratching their heads and parents Googling “school choice pros and cons.”

Penny’s tenure in Tennessee wasn’t without its critics. Cultural conservatives thought she wasn’t doing enough to root out “woke ideologies,” while moderates questioned her tendency to launch programs without consulting anyone outside her inner circle (which may or may not have included Kevin Johnson via Zoom). Meanwhile, her department faced high turnover, morale issues, and enough eyebrow-raising decisions to make Spock look permanently surprised.

And then came the twist no one saw coming: Penny Schwinn was tapped by none other than Donald J. Trump to serve as Deputy Secretary of Education in his second administration. Yes, the same administration that wanted to abolish the Department of Education entirely. It was like hiring a chef for a restaurant you’re planning to burn down.

Trump announced her appointment on Truth Social, accidentally calling her “Peggy Schwinn” but praising her “strong record of delivering results.” Critics were quick to point out that those results often included declining enrollment numbers and skyrocketing controversy indexes. Even JC Bowman, head of Professional Educators of Tennessee and frequent Schwinn critic, admitted he didn’t see this coming: “Whoever vetted her needs to be vetted.”

As Deputy Secretary, Penny would be working under Linda McMahon, co-founder of World Wrestling Entertainment and Trump’s pick for Secretary of Education. Together, they were poised to tag-team public education like it was WrestleMania—complete with folding chairs and dramatic monologues.

And so, Penny Schwinn ascended to the Mount Olympus of education reform—or perhaps its Thunderdome. Her story serves as a cautionary tale for anyone who thinks public education is too boring for intrigue. Because in the world of the Billionaire Oligarchy™, even kindergarten classrooms can be battlegrounds for power, profit, and plot twists worthy of Netflix.

The end? Probably not. Stay tuned for the sequel: 'Penny Schwinn and the Voucher Apocalypse'.

EDUCATION MALPRACTICE? – Dad Gone Wild https://norinrad10.com/2020/08/27/education-malpractice/ 

IT'S ALMOST THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN: THE GREAT AMERICAN STANDARDIZED TESTING CIRCUS

IT'S ALMOST THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN

THE GREAT AMERICAN STANDARDIZED TESTING CIRCUS

 

Editor's note: My two cents - Standardized testing season has rolled around once again, bringing with it the same dread and frustration as Tax Day or that awkward family reunion where Aunt Karen won’t stop asking about your love life. For almost 25 years, I’ve watched this academic circus play out, complete with sharpened No. 2 pencils and Scantron sheets that seem to carry the weight of the world. It’s a show that feels more like a profit-driven scheme than an effort to truly support education, led by wealthy decision-makers who treat schools like lemonade stands, squeezing every drop for their own benefit. Yet, these tests rarely measure a child’s potential; instead, they often reflect the struggles of families trying to make ends meet. The numbers don’t lie—when a city has a high percentage of families earning under $40,000 a year, test scores tend to plummet. Poverty and academic success seem to avoid each other like oil and water. But hey, why let inconvenient truths get in the way of a system that keeps lining pockets? If it can’t be privatized or branded, some folks seem to think it’s not worth saving.

Ah, it's almost springtime. When flowers bloom, the birds chirp, and across the nation, schools collectively hold their breath as the season of standardized testing descends like a poorly written Shakespearean tragedy. Forget the joy of learning, the thrill of discovery, or even the simple pleasure of a recess well spent—this is the time when pencils are sharpened not for creativity but for bubbling in Scantron sheets with the precision of a neurosurgeon. Welcome to testing season, America. Please leave your curiosity at the door.  

The Billion-Dollar Bubble-In Bonanza  

Let’s start with the numbers, because if there’s one thing standardized testing loves, it’s numbers. Every year, states shell out an eye-watering **$1.7 billion** on these tests. That’s right—billion with a "B." For perspective, that’s about 0.25% of total K-12 spending in the U.S., or roughly the same amount your local school district spends trying to figure out why the cafeteria meatloaf keeps setting off fire alarms.  

On a per-student basis, state-mandated tests cost about **$15+** a pop, which is roughly the price of a mediocre pizza. Performance-based tests, which are supposedly fancier and more insightful, cost around **$33+** per student. That’s two pizzas! And yet, despite this princely sum, the results often arrive too late to actually help anyone—kind of like ordering delivery from a restaurant that’s already closed for the night.  

California alone has projected **$65 million** in test administration costs for 2023-24. That’s enough to buy every student in the state a decent pair of noise-canceling headphones to drown out the sound of their teachers sighing in despair over yet another test prep session.  

A Brief History of Testing (or: How We Got Here)  

Standardized tests have been haunting American education since the mid-1800s, but their real rise to power came with the 2002 No Child Left Behind Act. This legislation was supposed to usher in an era of accountability and high standards but instead gave us a dystopian nightmare where schools are judged not on how well they educate but on how well their students can guess between A, B, C, and D.  

High-stakes testing quickly became the educational equivalent of a reality TV show—dramatic, stressful, and ultimately more about ratings than substance. Supporters argue that these tests provide an objective measure of performance and help level the playing field for marginalized students. Critics, on the other hand, contend that they’re about as objective as a judge at a toddler beauty pageant and just as likely to cause tears.  

The Pros: (Yes, There Are Some)  

Let’s give credit where it’s due—standardized tests aren’t all doom and gloom. They do offer a uniform way to measure certain skills across large populations. For example, they can highlight achievement gaps between different demographic groups, which can (in theory) lead to targeted interventions. They may be good predictors of college readiness and job success—assuming your future employer wants you to fill out multiple-choice quizzes for a living.  

And let’s not forget the sheer joy they bring to statisticians, who get to crunch numbers and create colorful graphs showing which schools are "failing" this year. (Spoiler alert: It’s usually the underfunded ones.)  

The Cons: Where Do We Even Begin?  

Critics of standardized testing have enough grievances to fill an essay prompt (and they’d probably get marked down for going off-topic). For starters, these tests often measure little more than a student’s ability to regurgitate facts or eliminate wrong answers under pressure. They reward speed over depth, rote memorization over creativity, and conformity over critical thinking.  

Then there’s the issue of bias. Despite claims of objectivity, standardized tests have been accused of favoring certain cultural and socioeconomic groups while penalizing others. They’re like that one Monopoly rule nobody reads but somehow always benefits the banker.  

And let’s not forget the collateral damage: teaching to the test. Entire curriculums are warped around these exams, with subjects like art, music, and even science getting sidelined in favor of endless drills in reading and math. It’s as if education has been reduced to a game show where the only categories are "Grammar Trivia" and "Algebra Lightning Round."  

The Testing Industrial Complex  

If you’re wondering who benefits from all this madness, look no further than the multi-billion-dollar testing industry. Companies like Pearson and ETS aren’t just selling tests—they’re selling textbooks, prep materials, and even remedial programs for students who bombed their exams. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle that would make even Big Pharma blush.  

Critics argue that these companies have a vested interest in portraying schools as failing so they can swoop in with their expensive solutions. It’s like setting someone’s house on fire and then offering to sell them a hose—at a 300% markup.  

The Human Cost  

While policymakers and corporations count their profits, teachers and students bear the brunt of testing season’s absurdities. Teachers are evaluated based on their students’ scores, leading to immense pressure to perform—or at least make it look like they’re performing. Some resort to "teaching to the test," while others quietly weep into their coffee mugs during lunch breaks.  

Students, meanwhile, face stress levels that would make even seasoned Wall Street traders break out in hives. For younger kids, it might mean hours of sitting still and staring at a computer screen while their brains slowly melt into pudding. For older students, it could mean the difference between graduating or being held back—a decision often based on a single test taken on a particularly bad hair day.  

Alternatives: Is There Life Beyond Bubble Sheets?  

So what’s the alternative? Critics suggest shifting focus from standardized tests to more holistic forms of assessment like teacher observations, student portfolios, and performance-based evaluations. These methods might not fit neatly into an Excel spreadsheet, but they offer a richer picture of what students actually know and can do.  

Some states have even experimented with reducing testing frequency—say, every other year instead of annually—with promising results. This approach saves money, reduces stress, and frees up time for actual learning (remember that?). It’s almost as if education should be about educating rather than ranking kids like contestants on "America’s Next Top Test-Taker."  

The Future: Testing Reform or Déjà Vu?  

The COVID-19 pandemic briefly disrupted standardized testing, offering a glimpse of what life might look like without it—and spoiler alert: nobody missed it. Yet despite this reprieve, the testing machine roared back to life as soon as schools reopened. Why? Because old habits die hard, especially when they’re backed by billions of dollars and entrenched political interests.  

But change may be on the horizon. The growing opt-out movement has shown that parents are fed up with turning their kids into data points for government spreadsheets. Meanwhile, some lawmakers are pushing for reforms like grade-span testing (testing once per school stage rather than every year) or even scrapping high-stakes exams altogether.  

Conclusion: Pop Quiz Time!  

So where does that leave us? Is standardized testing an indispensable tool for measuring academic achievement? Or is it an outdated relic that does more harm than good? The answer probably depends on whom you ask—and whether they’re holding a No. 2 pencil at the time.  

One thing is clear: as long as testing season continues to dominate our schools, we’ll keep having this debate year after year after year. In the meantime, let’s take a moment to appreciate the true irony of standardized testing: it was meant to improve education but has instead become its greatest distraction. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some bubble sheets to fill out—after all, it’s that time of year again!  

MEMES THAT MADE ME LAUGH TODAY 1-17

 
MEMES THAT MADE ME LAUGH TODAY 1-17

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Big Education Ape: THE OLIGARCHY'S GREAT AMERICAN EDUCATION HEIST: BILLIONAIRES GONE WILD https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/01/the-oligarchys-great-american-education.html 

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Big Education Ape: FOUNDING FATHERS AND MODERN JUSTICE: A TALE OF POWER, PRIVILEGE, AND A FEW QUESTIONABLES CHOICES https://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2025/01/founding-fathers-and-modern-justice.html 

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