How parents and teachers should talk to each other
Students aren’t the only ones who have homework. We parents also have an ongoing assignment: building, nurturing and maintaining a relationship with our kids’ teachers.
“The level of success a child experiences during a school year is definitely enhanced by communication and cooperation between parents and teachers,” former LAUSD kindergarten and middle school teacher (and mom) Wendy Kennar said.
For some of us, forging a collaborative relationship might seem daunting. As a mother of five, Gracie Lujan of La Cañada, put it: “You always feel like you’re going to the principal’s office.”
Sure, exchanges between parent and teacher can, at times, feel territorial or even adversarial. But they shouldn’t -- and they don’t have to.
Why do I need a relationship with my child’s teacher?
Teachers are the people we parents entrust with the most precious people in our lives -- the people who inspire the strongest emotions (and fears) within us. Just on that basis alone, it makes sense to connect with them. Both teacher and parent are working toward the same end: forming and facilitating the development of your child.
“As a teacher, there's only so much you can do -- after all, you've got 30-plus other children in the room, depending on the grade you're teaching,” Kennar said. “So what you're trying to do in the classroom must be supported at home.”
What should I expect from this relationship?
I saw the value of this advice within the first month of school this year. My 4-year-old started a transitional kindergarten program this fall, and my husband and I have been navigating the relationship through this perspective.
When we first dropped him off at carpool, we left a smiling, playful child who both charms and challenges us. For the next six or seven hours, we have no idea of the person the teachers encountered. We assumed it was the same child we took to preschool. Back-to-School Night proved very instructive, even if a bit unsettling. I lingered a bit to ask more questions of the teacher one-on-one.
We learned that in the classroom, our son was exerting some of the same defiance that we saw at home. The most useful takeaway: The specific words and actions the classroom used to deal with this behavior. When we began to implement the same approach at home, it was like a miracle. Mornings shifted from stressful screaming matches to a pleasant routine easing him into the school day.
The need for communication is particularly imperative when a child has unique challenges, said Jennifer Loza. Her son, who has ADHD, “gets bouts of depression and anxiety dealing with the loss of his dad,” the Bermuda Dunes mom said. “As long as I communicate this to his teachers, they are really good about giving some leeway and allowing him some space and even doing some extra things to keep him distracted or help boost his spirits.”
What should we talk about?
Just as you know your child in a certain context, so do teachers -- and you two might not experience the same person. The idea is to help the teacher round out her image of your child and to help her most effectively reach the student.
Tell the teacher what you know about your child’s interests, skills and history that will help to build a How parents and teachers should talk to each other - LA Times:
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