PRESS SECRETARY KAROLINE LEAVITT EXPLAINS THE TRUMP TARIFFS TO FOX NEWS ANCHOR LAURA INGRAHAM
Once upon a time, in the topsy-turvy world of international trade, President Trump decided to play a little game with tariffs. It was a game only he understood, much like a game of chess where all the pieces were rubber chickens.
One chaos driven Monday evening, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt was summoned to explain this bewildering tariff situation to Fox News anchor Laura Ingraham.
Laura: "Good evening, Karoline. So, can you tell us what's the tariff on Mexico?"
Karoline: "Sure, Laura. The tariff on Mexico is 145%."
Laura: "No wait, isn't that the tariff on Canada?"
Karoline: "No, no, the 145% is definitely on Mexico."
Laura: "But I thought China had a 145% tariff."
Karoline: "Oh no, China has... well, it had a 145% tariff last Tuesday, but now it's 90%. Or was that Canada?"
Laura: "So what’s Canada’s tariff today?"
Karoline: "Well, as of breakfast it was 73%, but by lunch, the President said he felt more like a 55% kind of day."
Laura: "And what about dinner?"
Karoline: "Oh, by dinner he decided to go back to 145% for all three countries. He said it made him feel nostalgic."
Laura: "Nostalgic? For what?"
Karoline: "For last week's tariffs!"
Laura: "So let me get this straight. Today, Mexico is at 145%, Canada is at...?"
Karoline: "73%, unless it's Thursday, in which case it reverts back to last week's figure."
Laura: "And China?"
Karoline: "China's tariff changes every time the President watches a kung fu movie."
Laura: "Ah, that explains everything. So if I were to import avocados from Mexico..."
Karoline: "You'd better do it before he watches another movie or decides he likes pineapple better."
Laura: "And if I wanted maple syrup from Canada?"
Karoline: "Well, just make sure it’s not Thursday or when he's reminiscing about his last visit to Vermont."
Laura: "And what about electronics from China?"
Karoline: "That depends if he’s feeling more 'action-packed' or 'romantic comedy'."
Laura chuckled and shook her head. "Thank you, Karoline. It's all as clear as everything now."
Karoline smiled brightly. "Anytime, Laura. Remember, in the world of tariffs, the only constant is change... and maybe confusion."
And so, the world of international tariffs continued to spin in its own peculiar orbit, with everyone trying to keep up with the President's ever-changing whims. But at least one thing was certain: it made for great television.