FROM BORROWER TO CHUM
THE SAD REALITY OF STUDENT LOANS
College Tuition Payment Plans: Loan Sharks Are Back, More Bullshit Lost in the Fine Print with Constipated Disclosures and Kafkaesque Repayment Terms
In a world where student loans have become the modern-day equivalent of swimming with hungry sharks, it's no wonder that college tuition payment plans have taken a turn for the worse. Gone are the days of simple interest rates and manageable repayment terms. Instead, we find ourselves swimming in a sea of fine print, constipated disclosures, and absurdly Kafkaesque terms that would make even the most seasoned borrower scratch their head in confusion.
But why, you may ask, do the billionaires of this world seem so intent on defunding public education and turning students into chum for the loan sharks? Well, my dear readers, it's a tale as old as time – greed, power, and a dash of sadistic pleasure in watching young minds drown in debt.
So, without further ado, let's dive into the murky waters of college tuition payment plans and explore just how ridiculous they've become. But fear not, dear readers, for we shall navigate this treacherous sea with wit and humor, because if there's one thing that can keep us afloat in this madness, it's laughter.
Ah, the loan sharks – those delightful creatures who lurk in the shadows, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting students with their predatory tactics. They may not have fins or gills, but make no mistake, they are just as dangerous as their aquatic counterparts. With interest rates that could make your head spin faster than a shark in a feeding frenzy, these loan sharks are here to remind you that swimming with them is anything but safe.
Picture this – you're sitting at your kitchen table, armed with a magnifying glass and a cup of coffee (or maybe something stronger), trying to decipher the fine print on your college tuition payment plan. As you squint your eyes and strain your brain, you can't help but wonder if you've accidentally stumbled into a Kafka novel. The terms and conditions seem to be written in a language only loan sharks and lawyers can understand. It's like trying to find your way out of a maze with no exit – frustrating, confusing, and utterly absurd.
Ah, repayment terms – those delightful little nuggets of joy that make you question your life choices. You thought you were signing up for a simple payment plan, but instead, you find yourself facing terms that would make even Franz Kafka scratch his head in confusion. From balloon payments that seem to come out of thin air to interest rates that resemble the stock market on a bad day, these repayment terms are like a rollercoaster ride through the Twilight Zone. Buckle up, dear readers, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Why are the billionaires defunding public education? Well, my friends, it's simple – they want to turn students into chum for the loan sharks. By dismantling public education and making it increasingly unaffordable, they ensure a steady supply of fresh meat for their predatory friends. It's a win-win situation for them – they get to line their pockets with the hard-earned money of struggling students while simultaneously ensuring a future generation that is drowning in debt. How thoughtful of them!
In this twisted game of financial survival, students have become nothing more than chum for the loan sharks. They are lured in with promises of a brighter future, only to find themselves trapped in a never-ending cycle of debt. It's like being thrown into a tank full of hungry sharks and being told to swim for your life. But fear not, dear readers, for there is hope on the horizon. With enough wit, humor, and determination, we can expose these loan sharks for what they truly are – predators who feed off the dreams and aspirations of young minds.
So, my dear readers, as we navigate these treacherous waters of college tuition payment plans, let us not lose sight of our wit and humor. For in the face of absurdity and greed, laughter is our greatest weapon. Together, we can expose the loan sharks, challenge the billionaires, and fight for a future where education is affordable and debt is not a life sentence. Stay witty, stay funny, and most importantly, stay afloat!
CFPB Report Finds College Tuition Payment Plans Can Put Student Borrowers at Risk | Consumer Financial Protection Bureau https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/newsroom/cfpb-report-finds-college-tuition-payment-plans-can-put-student-borrowers-at-risk/
College tuition installment plans can add more debt, watchdog warns - The Washington Post https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2023/09/15/college-tuition-installment-plans-risks/