OUR SAVIOR IS BEING CRUCIFIED: THE INDICTMENT OF DONALD TRUMP
In a historic development that has left the nation in a state of shock, former President Donald Trump has been indicted on thirty-seven counts in the special counsel's classified documents probe. The charges include obstruction of justice, destruction or falsification of records, conspiracy and false statements. But the real kicker? Trump is facing a charge under the Espionage Act. Yes, you read that right. The Espionage Act.
The news of Trump's indictment has sent shockwaves across the country, with many Americans taking to the streets to celebrate with a "You're Fired" party. Fireworks lit up the sky as people danced in the streets, singing "Ding dong, the witch is dead" and "Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye."
But while the nation celebrates, there are some who are still in shock. "I can't believe it," said one Trump supporter. "I thought he was untouchable. I mean, he's the President. He can do whatever he wants, right?"
Wrong. As it turns out, even Presidents have to follow the law. Who knew?
Of course, the news of Trump's indictment has brought up comparisons to Hillary Clinton's email scandal. But let's be real here – there's no comparison. Trump's case is like comparing a speeding ticket to grand theft auto.
And while some Republicans have tried to deflect attention from Trump's case by bringing up Clinton's emails or Biden's son Hunter, it's clear that this is a whole different ballgame. The allegations against Trump, when paired with the available evidence of his state of mind, are dramatically different from the potential charges considered against Biden, Clinton or Pence.
But enough about politics. Let's talk about the real winners here – the comedians. Late night talk show hosts are having a field day with this news, with Stephen Colbert joking that Trump is "finally getting his day in court – and it's not even his wedding day."
Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel quipped that "Trump is going to need more than a Sharpie to get out of this one." And Seth Meyers joked that "Trump is going to have to change his name to Inmate #45."
But perhaps the funniest response came from John Oliver, who said "This is like Christmas, Hanukkah and my birthday all rolled into one. I haven't been this happy since I found out I was getting my own HBO show."
As for Trump himself, he took to Truth Social to announce that he had been informed by the Justice Department he was indicted and that he was “summoned to appear at the Federal Courthouse in Miami on Tuesday, at 3 PM.” But let's be real here – we all know he's not going to show up. He'll probably be too busy playing golf or tweeting about how unfair this all is.
So there you have it – the news of Trump's indictment has left the nation in a state of shock and celebration. But one thing's for sure – this is only the beginning. As the investigation continues, who knows what other surprises are in store? All we can do is sit back, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show.
In the words of John Oliver – "This is going to be f***ing amazing."
Lindsey Graham on Trump indictment: At least Trump isn't a spy - The Washington Post https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/06/12/trump-indictment-defense-espionage/
Video: John Bolton makes prediction on Trump's political career after indictment | CNN Politics https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2023/06/12/john-bolton-donald-trump-indictment-sot-cnntm-vpx.cnn
Why The Latest Trump Indictment Looks So Bad For Him | FiveThirtyEight https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/why-the-latest-trump-indictment-looks-so-bad-for-him/