Why Telling Lies is Always Better than Telling the Truth:
A Hilarious Scientific Comparison of the Most Popular Conservative News Outlets
Let's face it, folks. We've all been taught since childhood that lying is bad and telling the truth is good. But what if we told you that lying is actually better than telling the truth in almost every way? Don't believe us? Well, let's take a scientific look at why lies are superior to the truth.
Credibility
Firstly, lies are designed to seem true. The expert liar carefully uses elements that seem probable and logical, making them easy to believe. On the other hand, the truth is often illogical, wildly improbable, and hard to explain. Let's face it, lies are simply more believable than the truth.
Reliability
The truth is spontaneous, accidental, and unpredictable. Lies, however, can be planned in detail long in advance and are thus guaranteed to turn out as predicted. Lies are more dependable than the truth.
Economy
To be the truth, an account of a given event must be completely accurate. This requires painstaking resourcefulness, expensive research, time-consuming attention to detail, complex logistics, and thoroughness. In spite of all that, some people will believe it, and others will not. Lies will produce identical results without all the fuss and bother. Lies are simpler than truth; lies cost less than truth in time, money, and effort.
Value
The truth can be found anywhere; it belongs to anybody who finds it, absolutely free. Lies are custom-made! Often by experts, and the best ones are highly polished works of art. Lies are worth more money than truth. Have you ever heard of anybody bribing a witness to tell the truth?
Respectability
Great fortunes have been made by selling lies to the public. The people who sell these lies are often grateful to the gullible consumers, so they endow libraries and universities and cultural centers. Nobody ever made a fortune selling the truth. First of all, as already stated, the truth is free. The only people who will pay money for the truth are people who are being blackmailed-and they are only buying the truth so they can hide it before anybody else sees it. Lies lead to libraries and universities, while the truth leads to blackmail.
Stability
Take one thousand parts truth, add one part lies. Result: lies. Take one-thousandth part lies, add one part truth. Result: again, lies. Note that you can make lies out of the truth, but you can't make the truth out of lies. Lies are stronger and last longer than the truth.
Imagination
In reporting the truth, a person must research the precise facts and stick to them exactly as they occurred. The liar can report the same incident without doing any research, merely saying whatever comes to his mind and filling in "details" according to his fancy. Lies are more creative than truth.
Recognizability
People are accustomed to hearing lies all the time. If you tell the truth, people will think you are lying. If you convince them you are telling the truth, they will become suspicious. Why is he suddenly telling the truth? What's going on?
Supply and Demand
In describing any given incident, only one version can possibly be the truth, whereas the number of lies possible is unlimited. Obviously, lies are in far greater supply than truth. There is a great demand for lies if they are flattering, if they build up one's hopes, if they help one escape reality or if they promise health, wealth, power or potency. Nobody is very anxious to hear the truth. The only people who demand the truth are those who are investigating something (lawyers, etc.)-and they only want the truth to prove somebody is lying.
Now that we've established why lying is better than telling the truth let's take a look at some companies that have mastered this art.
Fox News (United States)
If you're looking for a news channel that tells you what you want to hear rather than what's actually happening in the world, then Fox News is your go-to channel. They have mastered the art of sensationalizing news stories and presenting them in a way that appeals to their target audience. They have also been known to twist facts and present false information as if it were true.
Breitbart News (United States)
If Fox News isn't conservative enough for you then Breitbart News is your next stop. They have been known to spread conspiracy theories and promote extremist views. They also have a habit of presenting false information as if it were true.
The Daily Caller (United States)
The Daily Caller is a news website that has been known to publish false information and conspiracy theories. They have also been accused of promoting racist and sexist views.
The Blaze (United States)
The Blaze is a news website founded by Glenn Beck that has been known to promote conspiracy theories and extremist views. They have also been accused of presenting false information as if it were true.
The Washington Times (United States)
The Washington Times is a newspaper that has been known to present biased news stories and promote conservative views. They have also been accused of presenting false information as if it were true.
The Daily Telegraph (United Kingdom)
The Daily Telegraph is a newspaper that has been accused of presenting biased news stories and promoting conservative views. They have also been known to twist facts and present false information as if it were true.
The Sun (United Kingdom)
The Sun is a tabloid newspaper that has been known to publish sensationalized news stories and present false information as if it were true. They have also been accused of promoting sexist views.
The Daily Mail (United Kingdom)
The Daily Mail is a newspaper that has been accused of promoting racist and sexist views. They have also been known to present false information as if it were true.
So there you have it folks! These companies have mastered the art of lying and presenting false information as if it were true. But let's not forget that lying is always better than telling the truth. Lies are simpler, more creative, and more dependable than the truth. So go ahead and believe everything these companies tell you-you'll be doing yourself and everyone else a favor!