NYC Educator: Bloomberg's Stump Speech

NYC Educator: Bloomberg's Stump Speech

Bloomberg's Stump Speech

Hiya everyone. It's me, your old pal Mike Bloomberg. You remember me. I used to be mayor of New York. I'm the guy who brought Joel Klein in to run the city schools. You remember him? He's the guy you saw in all those photos with Eva Moskowitz, hanging around, having big fun, and helping me close as many public schools as I could get my big old paws on. That's right, I have big paws, not like that other guy, you know who, whose name I don't mention in my ads. I'm too dignified for that.

You know what else I'm too dignified for? Debating my opponents. I'm not getting on some stage somewhere and defending my record against a bunch of poor people. That's for those second-tier candidates who haven't got unlimited cash on hand. That's the beauty thing. I'm independent. I'm beholden to no one whatsoever. I don't have to compromise to please anyone. The only person I will have to please is myself. In fact, I won't even take the 400K salary. Even if I drop a billion on this thing I still have 51 more, so what the hell do I care?

And hey, you won't have to worry about whether or not I'm a billionaire, like that other guy whose name I won't mention. I'm a real billionaire. Believe me, we're an endangered species. People are always picking on us because we horde all the resources that could be used to, oh, make roads, give health care to Americans, provide a living wage to working people, offer affordable college and all that other crazy left-wing hippie socialist crap my CONTINUE READING: NYC Educator: Bloomberg's Stump Speech