Vaccines, Fluoride and Breastfeeding: A Primer to the Parenting Fights of Portland
Your guide to the most divisive issues in Portland parenting.
In a city already as sanctimonious as Portland, it probably comes as no surprise that the child-rearing scene is a minefield of enlightened folks ready to tell you that your precious little hump dumpling will not grow up to be a Harvard Ph.D.-holding MacArthur Genius who saved an endangered species of monkey during his stint in the Peace Corps. No! He will be a meth-addicted convicted felon living in your basement, because YOU USED THE WORD "NO"/FORMULA-FED/TOXIFIED HIS VIRGIN SKIN WITH CHLORINE-SATURATED PAPER DIAPERS.
Most of these judgments will take place in the regionally passive-aggressive-appropriate forum of Facebook posts and comments directed at complete strangers in the grocery store, but even if you're not the immediate recipient of such well-meaning advice, know that all eyes are on you at all times. Judging.
On that note, here are the top 10 ways you, as a Portland parent, are probably screwing up.
1. Your neighborhood public school.
Proponents say: Sending your child to your neighborhood school—warts and all, regardless of test scores, absentee rates, ambivalent principals and overcrowding—is the only way to attain true equity across the entire district and improve neighborhood schools as a whole. Defecting to a charter school, a language-immersion program or, God forbid, private school, is akin to throwing your neighbors to the wolves, and makes you a horrible human being.
Opponents say: I'm not going to sacrifice my child's educational prospects for a nebulous greater good.
Typical insult: "Parental involvement is what makes the difference when it comes to school. And don't you want your child to experience diversity?"
2. Vaccines.
Proponents say: Remember polio?
Opponents say: The government doesn't get to tell me what to inject into my child. Plus, herd immunity!
Typical insult: "Fuck you."
3. Breastfeeding.
Proponents say: Breast milk is the only food specifically designed for your baby and contains crucial disease-fighting antibodies, plus it releases Vaccines, Fluoride and Breastfeeding: A Primer to the Parenting Fights of Portland - Willamette Week: