Attention dog owners: Common Core National Canine Standards
Acknowledging that recent implementation of the Common Core State Standards is reshaping the landscape of public education in the United States, I, along with a secret group of politicians and “philanthropists,” a panel of experts, have designed and not tested The Common Core National (just being real) Canine Standards, using the CCSS as a model.
Mission Statement/Rationale: Given than many canines in the United States are lagging behind their global counterparts (i.e. the Finnish Spitz), The CCNCS provide a consistent, clear understanding of what all American canines, despite predetermined “breed” and “category” classifications are expected to learn–with the goal of ensuring said canines are college (i.e. service dog school) and career (i.e. herding, hunting, retrieving, sled-pulling, home-guarding,) ready. Even canines in the visually-appealing but otherwise useless “Toy” group will benefit from learning the same skill sets that canines all over the country will be learning under the CCNCS.
The Standards:
The following standards dictate what canines must learn in the various stages of their lives. Many standards are accompanied by negative behaviors that will result in “Disqualification”—a label which simply indicates a canine is not yet proficient in the attached standard. We expect that up to 70% of canines will be “Disqualified” until handlers themselves become proficient in teaching the standards listed below.
General Behavior: With the ultimate goal of college and career readiness, all canines must have a firm foundation in standard general behavior from the time they are born to the time they reach an age of five (5) months. It is the expectation that all canines will display proficiency in the below areas by then. After the age of five months, canines will be considered adults.
CCNCS-GB.Puppy.1: Sit still for increasing amounts of time without wildly flinging self at humans’ legs, faces, etc.
CCNCS-GB.Puppy.2: Chew only items designated as canine toys; neglect all other items. (Disqualifications too numerous to list here.)
CCNCS-GB.Puppy.3: Eliminate only outside dwellings or on designated areas within dwellings (i.e. on “pee-pee pads,” on patches of false grass, in litter boxes—although the last option is insulting to canines and not generally recommended). (Disqualifications include, but are not limited to, eliminating on hardwood, tiled, or carpeted surfaces; in shoes; under furniture; in locations that might not otherwise be suspected, etc.)
CCNCS-GB.Puppy.4: Retreat to crate with prompting; remain in crate without making noise (i.e. whining, muttering, barking) until retrieved by handler.
CCNCS-GB.Puppy.5: Nap in appropriate locations (i.e. not in the middle of the floor, on furniture) and at appropriate times (i.e. not during the day if such Common Core National Canine Standards - to funny not to re-post :):