Why We Need Merit Pay
First of all, it's important for teachers to be recognized. That's why I'm so glad we're no longer rated satisfactory or unsatisfactory. I, for one, am excellent. That's just one reason I don't teach anymore. Another is all that money I get to run this organization. Let me tell you, we have offices all over the country. I fly here, I do this, I meet rich people, and I go to gala luncheons. You better believe it beats the hell out of that school cafeteria.
There are lots of us E4E folks around. The important thing to remember about us is that we don't really want to be teachers. For example, Rubin Frisbee, a good buddy of mine, didn't even get tenure. Rather than bother trying again, he quit, took an Ivy League course, and now runs the whole damn school. Isn't it great that someone who never earned tenure can just tell everyone else who did how to teach? Only in America!
So anyway, on this merit pay thing. For one thing, we still have people out there teaching, and I can assure you they won't hang around waiting. And between us, I happen to know they're holding back the good stuff until they can get that bonus. OK, to tell you the truth, they won't hang around even if they get the bonus. There are higher-paying jobs than teaching, and they