His Teacher Decided He's Not Worth the Effort
On the day after Christmas, I received a heart-wounding message from a cherished teacher-buddy, catching up during the holidays by e-mail. She began by sharing a wonderful story: her 5th grader was asked to cantor their Christmas Eve service. There was a large congregation at the service--a high-pressure performance for someone who's 10 or 11--but he did very well, she reports, singing like the proverbial angel.
Then, she said this: We have had one of the most challenging school years for___, so this couldn't have come at a better time. He's a quirky guy and his teacher has decided he's not worth the effort. He knows, on some level, that she doesn't like him, but he doesn't complain about going to school.
Yeah, I know. Heart-wounding.
And totally believable. Most people reading this will recognize the teacher who gives up on the quirky--or difficult-- child. My own kids had a couple of those, along the way--and I know how painful it can be. It might be easier when a secondary teacher decides your child is just too much trouble, because it's possible that a different teacher will pick up the slack, tapping into a strength or appreciating oddball personal qualities. Possible, but not certain. Or--maybe by middle school, kids care less about pleasing their teachers and just cruise along, habituated to the whole experience of teacher-resistance and non-relationships with adults.
That's not what this blog is about. Yes, there are personality mismatches, teachers who don't ever go the extra mile or care about students' individual passions or anxieties. There are teachers who