Honest Practicum
Twas the Night Before Midterms – A Visit from Arne Duncan
December 7, 2013, Erin in For laughs
Grab your hot cocoa and forget Christmas spirit, it’s best to read this aloud so you can really hear it!
~
‘Twas the night before midterms and all thro’ the school,
Not a teacher was leaving, not even Ms. Poole;
The classroom lights were burning so brightly,
For over two weeks the teachers worked nightly.
Their students were restless, tossing in bed,
While visions of bubble tests danced in their heads.
Strong coffee in hand and the work I was dreading,
I settled in for a long nights’ grading -
When out on the playground there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Peering into the darkness, my face pressed to the glass.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a stretch limo filled. The reformers were here!
~
I spotted the driver and to my chagrin,
I knew in a moment it was Arne Duncan.
More rapid than vultures his minions they came,
And he whistled and shouted and call’d them by name;
“Now! Gates, now! Walton, now! Rhee and Kopp,
“On! Murdoch, on! Emanuel, on! You cannot stop!
“To the top of the school and down through the hall!
“Now cut away! Cut away! Cut funding for all!”
So up to the school-top the minions they flew,
With binders of evals – and more tests, too!
Then from above came a sound from the ceiling,
I cannot be sure, but I think they were kneeling.
~
As I turned from the window to lock my door,
Dear Arne was there looking me o’er.
He was dressed in Armani, from his head to his toe,
Let me just tell you, he’s one flashy shmoe.
A bundle of money was flung on his back,
And he looked like a swindler by the size of that sack.
His eyes – how they glowered! His dimples, none could be seen.
His face was like stone, it so frightened me!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a snarl.
“Thought you could hide, didn’t you Carl?
“I’ve seen your last test scores and I am not pleased.”
I tried to explain but he wasn’t appeased.
“My students, they’re hungry and their parents don’t care,
“We have no supplies, they all have to share!”
“Excuses, excuses, I’ll have none of that,
“Poverty means nothing. It’s just a stat.”
~
A wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
I felt myself fill with a terrible dread.
Without another word, he went straight back to his work,
He took away my tenure; man, what a jerk!
“You can stop complaining, I know what you’ll say,
“If you don’t like it, I’ll just bring in TFA.”
He then ran to his limo, his crew all in tow,
Off to another poor school, they would all go.
~
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight -
“I’m taking your benefits, too! It’s only right!”
