THE GREAT UNSCHOOLING OF AMERICA
BIG EDUCATION APE'S CRYSTAL BALL PREDICTS A PUBLIC EDUCATION APOCALYPSE
Greetings, fellow knowledge-seekers, from your ol’ pal Big Education Ape, peering into my slightly cracked crystal ball to forecast the future of America’s public schools. Spoiler alert: it’s not looking like a sunny field trip to the zoo. The Trump administration’s education agenda is less a reform and more a demolition derby, aiming to bulldoze a century of public education progress in favor of a privatized, deregulated free-for-all. Grab a banana, settle in, and let’s swing through the jungle of policy changes, budget cuts, and privatization schemes threatening to unschool America. It’s time to advocate for our public schools and expose the chaos before it’s too late!
Public Education: The Banana Republic of Opportunity Under Siege
For over a hundred years, public education has been the great American equalizer, the jungle gym where kids from all walks—whether penthouse or trailer park—climb toward opportunity. It’s the system that gave us rocket scientists, civil rights leaders, and the genius who invented the Slurpee. Public schools have been the backbone of democracy, teaching kids to read, think, and occasionally dodge a dodgeball. But now, the Trump administration is treating this institution like a piñata at a budget-cutting fiesta, swinging hard with executive orders, slashed funding, and a love for privatization that’s as subtle as a gorilla in a china shop.
The plan? Dismantle the Department of Education (ED), funnel public funds to private schools, and turn education into a “choose your own adventure” where the options favor those with deep pockets. My crystal ball is foggy, but the signs are clear: we’re on a collision course with “The Great Unschooling,” where public education as we know it could become a relic, like chalkboards or No. 2 pencils. Let’s break down the administration’s playbook and what it means for students, families, and the system that’s held us together for a century.
The Trump Playbook: A Wrecking Ball Wrapped in “Choice”
1. The Department of Education’s Great Vanishing Act
Picture the Department of Education as the zookeeper keeping the public school ecosystem in balance. Now imagine that zookeeper being sent packing. On January 29 and March 20, 2025, Trump signed executive orders directing Education Secretary Linda McMahon to shutter the ED and scatter its functions to states or other agencies, like tossing bananas to a horde of hungry monkeys. The FY 2026 budget proposes slashing the ED’s $80 billion budget by 15%—that’s $12 billion less for schools serving 50 million students.
Legislation, like Rep. Thomas Massie’s one-sentence bill to dissolve the ED by 2026, is gaining traction, though it faces a Senate hurdle with only 53 Republican votes. If passed, programs like Title I ($15 billion for low-income schools) and IDEA ($15 billion for special education) could be handed to states or agencies like Health and Human Services, with no guarantee of equitable distribution. My crystal ball whispers of a future where federal oversight vanishes, leaving states to fend for themselves. It’s like telling a kid to run a lemonade stand without a recipe or lemons.
2. The Funding Freeze: Starving Schools One Dollar at a Time
Speaking of budget cuts, let’s talk about the $6.2-$6.8 billion K-12 funding freeze that dropped like a rotten banana on June 30, 2025, just before schools expected their July 1 disbursements. This freeze hits programs like Title II-A (teacher training, $2 billion), Title III-A (English learners, $890 million), Title I-C (migrant students, $400 million), and 21st Century Community Learning Centers (after-school programs, $1.3 billion). California alone is losing $811 million, with districts like LAUSD ($110 million shortfall) dipping into reserves to survive.
This isn’t a one-off. The FY 2026 budget aims to make these cuts permanent, consolidating programs into block grants—big, vague buckets of cash with fewer federal strings. Sounds flexible, right? Except states like California, already stretched thin, can’t fill the gaps. Rural districts like Oxnard face losing translators, while urban schools like Berkeley Unified brace for larger classes and fewer counselors. My crystal ball sees a future where schools are forced to choose between textbooks or heat, and low-income students bear the brunt.
3. School Choice: A Fancy Name for Public School Starvation
The administration’s love for school choice is like a monkey obsessed with shiny objects—distracting but dangerous. Executive orders, like the January 29, 2025, “Expanding Educational Freedom” directive, push for Education Savings Accounts (ESAs) and vouchers, letting parents take a child’s share of federal funds (e.g., $2,500 per IDEA student) to private or faith-based schools. Proposed bills, like the School Choice Now Act, aim to expand this nationwide, redirecting $15 billion in Title I funds to vouchers.
On X, supporters cheer this as “parental empowerment,” but here’s the rub: private schools don’t have to accept everyone, and they often lack special education or English learner programs. In Arizona, 80% of ESA funds went to families already in private schools, not struggling public school kids. My crystal ball predicts a two-tiered system: wealthier families get gourmet education, while public schools, serving 90% of students, become underfunded husks, like a jungle stripped of its canopy.
4. Higher Education: Locking the Ivory Tower
College-bound students, brace yourselves. The administration plans to phase out Grad PLUS loans and cap Parent PLUS loans, making higher education a tougher climb for low-income families. The Public Service Loan Forgiveness program is being retooled, potentially denying benefits to teachers or social workers at “undesirable” organizations (think immigrant or LGBTQ+ advocacy). Pell Grants ($100 billion annually) may shift to trade programs, which is great for welders but leaves aspiring scholars out in the cold.
Accreditation reform, via an April 23, 2025, EO, aims to break the “accreditation monopoly,” prioritizing outcomes like graduation rates over DEI. Universities could lose federal aid if they don’t comply, forcing a choice between equity and survival. My crystal ball sees a future where college becomes a luxury, not a ladder, widening the gap between haves and have-nots.
5. DEI and Data: Banishing Equity and Evidence
The administration’s war on “woke” policies is in full swing. An April 23, 2025, EO bans DEI programs, threatening $75 billion in federal funds for schools that don’t comply. Another reverses Biden-era Title IX protections, banning transgender bathroom access or pronoun use. The National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP), our “nation’s report card,” faces cuts, leaving us blind to student performance gaps. Without data, how do we fix inequities? It’s like navigating a jungle with a broken compass.
Discipline policies are also shifting, with an EO reinstating “common sense” rules that critics say could disproportionately suspend students of color. My crystal ball foresees a chilling effect: schools scared to support marginalized students, and a rise in the school-to-prison pipeline.
6. Beyond the Classroom: Medicaid and SNAP Cuts
The administration’s “big, beautiful bill” doesn’t stop at education. Cuts to Medicaid and stricter SNAP eligibility will slash school nurses, counselors, and free meals for 30 million kids. Hungry or sick students can’t learn, yet these cuts are framed as “fiscal responsibility.” My crystal ball sees classrooms struggling to support kids’ basic needs, let alone teach algebra.
The Fallout: Who Gets Crushed in the Unschooling?
Families: Low-income families are the hardest hit. Losing after-school programs, free meals, and college prep (TRIO, GEAR UP) means less support for kids and more stress for parents. In California, districts like Oxnard lose translator services, leaving non-English-speaking families stranded. Wealthier families with private school access win; everyone else scrambles for scraps.
Students: Kids in high-poverty schools (80% of LAUSD’s 500,000 students) face larger classes, fewer resources, and no safety net. English learners and migrant students risk falling behind without Title III-A or I-C funds. Students with disabilities could lose IDEA protections if block grants let states skimp on services. Transgender and LGBTQ+ students face hostility as Title IX protections vanish. My crystal ball sees dropout rates climbing and mental health crises spiking, especially with Title IV-A’s $1.3 billion in mental health funds at risk.
Education System: Public schools, serving 50 million kids, face a death spiral. Teachers (already 55,000 short nationwide) will burn out or leave as professional development (Title II-A) dries up. Rural schools like Umatilla, OR, risk closure, while urban districts see inequities widen. Privatization shifts funds to for-profit charters, which often cherry-pick students and dodge accountability. Higher education becomes a walled garden, with universities pressured to drop DEI or lose accreditation.
The Philosophy: From Public Good to Private Profit
This isn’t just policy—it’s a paradigm shift. Public education, once a shared commitment to every child’s potential, is being recast as a marketplace where “choice” trumps equity. The administration’s vision, echoed in Project 2025, sees education as a commodity, not a right. It’s like turning a community garden into a pay-to-pick orchard—great for those who can afford it, terrible for the rest. My crystal ball warns of a fractured system where zip code, not talent, determines opportunity.
The Fightback: Saving Public Education
This “Great Unschooling” isn’t destiny—it’s a choice, and we can choose differently. Here’s how Big Education Ape says we fight:
- Advocate Loudly: Join groups like Californians Together or the NEA, suing over the funding freeze for violating the Impoundment Control Act. Contact lawmakers to protect Title I and IDEA.
- Vote Smart: Support candidates who prioritize public education over vouchers. Check their records, not their rhetoric.
- Amplify Voices: Share stories like Ana DeGenna’s in Oxnard or Missy Testerman’s in Tennessee, showing how cuts hurt real kids.
- Stay Informed: Demand NAEP and data transparency to track inequities. Knowledge is power, and they’re trying to dim the lights.
A Final Roar from Big Education Ape
Public education isn’t just about math or reading—it’s about building citizens, dreamers, and a society that values everyone. For a century, it’s been our jungle gym, our launchpad, our shared promise. If we let the Trump administration’s budget cuts, privatization push, and deregulation frenzy tear it down, we’re not just unschooling kids—we’re unmaking America’s future. My crystal ball says it’s not too late, but the clock’s ticking. So, grab your megaphone, rally your tribe, and let’s save our schools before they’re privatized into oblivion. Because if we lose this fight, we’ll all be swinging from the vines of regret. 🦍📚
Keep swinging, and let’s keep public education roaring!
One Million Rising: Strategic Non-Cooperation to Fight Authoritarianism · No Kings
https://www.mobilize.us/nokings/event/803953/
Across the country, authoritarian forces are getting bolder and more dangerous. Trump and his allies are not hiding their agenda: mass deportations, rollbacks of civil rights, weaponized courts, and full-scale attacks on our democracy. We don’t have to wait until it’s too late. We can stop this. But it’ll take all of us—not just on single days of mass action, but through sustained organizing in our communities.
That’s why this summer, we’re launching One Million Rising—a national effort to train one million people in the strategic logic and practice of non-cooperation, as well as the basics of community organizing and campaign design. This is how we build people power that can’t be ignored. You’re invited to join us—and lead.
Let’s build a force bigger than fear and louder than hate. Let’s get ready. Let’s get organized. Let’s stop Trump. https://www.mobilize.us/nokings/event/803953/
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